From This Moment, The Paths Diverge

It's tomorrow.

I have rarely been more nervous in my entire life. This can very well mean my future, my country of study, my subject of study, my future career. If I don't do well, I'll try to tell myself I'm okay, that owh c'mon it's just a small thing, but I'd feel that I have let myself down.

Most of you don't quite understand what it means for me to get in. I'm not just applying for 'another good university'. It's between me and God why I need to/want to go there. Throughout this year, God has been providing me with opportunities leading up to this moment. Throughout my life, God has been guiding my choice of deciding on doing Economics. It wasn't always something I wanted to do.

To realise that I have some kind of talent in all the areas I need, I think I've found my calling. Tomorrow might very well tell me whether that's where I'm headed. Otherwise, circumstances will force me to take an entirely different path. I want to pursue God's plan because I know that's the best for me. And I know that I have what it takes... but if it's not sharpened enough, if I'm not prepared enough, I only have myself to blame.

So many things in life, we think we know all the answers but we really don't. Things happen when we don't want them to happen. Things don't happen when we want them to happen. Being so dependent on God this year, I think that has really challenged and strengthened my faith. This has really been an unforgettable year, and I have to say, more so than any year before. For the first time since first joining CF, I felt how it's like to be alone this year. Not to really have a senior or teacher to rely on. I used to have this feeling that everything's gonna be okay, that if something bad happens, someone older will sort it out for me. Will look out for me.

In college, you learn to be independent. Yes, even with your friends all around you, this is the year you learn to find yourself. And you're not going to do that if you intend on hiding behind someone's drawers all your life. And frankly, nobody has drawers long enough to hide behind in college. Ahahahaa.

In all the hectic-ness, stress, emotional turmoil this year has brought, I had to rely on God so many times, and all those times, He really came through for me. When I see my results, which are A's, but on the borderline, I truly thank God. Just one or two more wrong and I would have dropped a grade. When I think of the ways things have just clicked into place this year, it's just really surreal.

I just need one extra push of faith for tomorrow. As much as I'm not sure I believe it, I proclaim an awesome interview tomorrow. Because faith is when you can see things that have not occurred. God please come through for me. =)