I'm Still Here

Haha. OK, so I found out two days ago, on Thursday, at precisely 4.23 p.m. that... I'm not headed to Cambridge come this October. It was an extremely strange feeling, but I'm extremely surprised that I wasn't upset. Disappointed, maybe a little. But not the way I imagined I would react, like jumping down the balcony or something.

I do have things to be grateful for. For one, I thought I didn't even make it to the interviews stage, when I didn't receive any email from Cambridge when everyone else had gotten it. I suppose that was when I  properly experienced the disappointment of not getting in, so this time, it's like I have been through it before. Haha. Through this process of application, I took a long hard look of how far I have come, how strange it is that this budak who had so many problems in school last time would someday have a realistic chance of getting admitted into Cambridge. I know that I did stand a realistic chance, just that the ball didn't go over the net this time. It's okay. There's still tomorrow.

If I had gotten in, I'd probably be jumping around, celebrating, informing everyone and then putting my nose to the grind to make the grade. But now that I didn't get in, I'm putting my nose to the grind to make the grade, only this time to a different university. Nothing is really different. I'm still worrying about scholarships, what happens after completing my degree, what career to go into. I realise, stupidly, that Cambridge is not the end of the world.

This made me think back of the times of being told I'm unsuccessful, being told I'll never mount to anything, I'll be a failure in life. And realise that each time, that made me stronger. Stronger than the times I've been told that I can surely do it. I am who I am today because of my failures.

I am disappointed though, that GY and BG didn't get in. On Thursday itself, I took the news extremely well, accepting that Cambridge might not be the place for me. But I thought they still had a chance. Ah well.

This has also made me feel that I might not want to do a degree in pure Economics after all. For now I'm considering firming MORSE in Warwick. Maybe I can put this Math ability to good use.

Whatever happens, God let it be Your will, not mine.