The Oasis

I've Moved

2011-01-15T15:40:00.003+08:00

My new blog is up.

http://jeremyee.wordpress.com/
(moved again)

I'm not going to use this blog anymore, but I'm not going to take it off for the benefit of my stalkers out there. Yes, I know you exist.

Just a warning, for now my Wordpress blog is public, but I might decide to have it private at any time. If one day you find that it is already private, you can request permission by dropping me an email at jeremyee.92@hotmail.com.

Thanks for following me on this journey, but it's time for me to start a new chapter.

Moving On

2011-01-14T23:07:00.000+08:00

How do you walk out
On something
That has been part of your life for so long.

I'm sorry
But I can't do this anymore.

How much pain
Sorrow
You've put me through.

I don't feel any the stronger, I don't feel that any of this is right.

Maybe it's my fault somehow
I need some time away
To find myself.

With the closing of this chapter of my life
I've decided to move to Wordpress.

Will update on the new blog address.

I'm Still Here

2011-01-08T16:09:00.000+08:00

Haha. OK, so I found out two days ago, on Thursday, at precisely 4.23 p.m. that... I'm not headed to Cambridge come this October. It was an extremely strange feeling, but I'm extremely surprised that I wasn't upset. Disappointed, maybe a little. But not the way I imagined I would react, like jumping down the balcony or something.

I do have things to be grateful for. For one, I thought I didn't even make it to the interviews stage, when I didn't receive any email from Cambridge when everyone else had gotten it. I suppose that was when I properly experienced the disappointment of not getting in, so this time, it's like I have been through it before. Haha. Through this process of application, I took a long hard look of how far I have come, how strange it is that this budak who had so many problems in school last time would someday have a realistic chance of getting admitted into Cambridge. I know that I did stand a realistic chance, just that the ball didn't go over the net this time. It's okay. There's still tomorrow.

If I had gotten in, I'd probably be jumping around, celebrating, informing everyone and then putting my nose to the grind to make the grade. But now that I didn't get in, I'm putting my nose to the grind to make the grade, only this time to a different university. Nothing is really different. I'm still worrying about scholarships, what happens after completing my degree, what career to go into. I realise, stupidly, that Cambridge is not the end of the world.

This made me think back of the times of being told I'm unsuccessful, being told I'll never mount to anything, I'll be a failure in life. And realise that each time, that made me stronger. Stronger than the times I've been told that I can surely do it. I am who I am today because of my failures.

I am disappointed though, that GY and BG didn't get in. On Thursday itself, I took the news extremely well, accepting that Cambridge might not be the place for me. But I thought they still had a chance. Ah well.

This has also made me feel that I might not want to do a degree in pure Economics after all. For now I'm considering firming MORSE in Warwick. Maybe I can put this Math ability to good use.

Whatever happens, God let it be Your will, not mine.

Thank You

2010-12-25T00:07:00.001+08:00

You don't know how much those words meant to me. Thank you so very much.

Christmas feels a little different this year, after all.

Merry Christmas, everyone. =)

Yuletide Season

2010-12-22T19:26:00.000+08:00

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Let your heart be light

From now on

Our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Make the Yule-tide gay

From now on our troubles

Will be miles away

Here we are as in olden days

Happy golden days of yore

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more

Through the years

We all will be together

If the Fates allow

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough

And have yourself

A merry little Christmas now

This has been my favourite Christmas song for years. Especially the parts in red, really hold special meaning. This year, more than ever, I am thinking of my friends as Christmas approaches. The people I've met, the things they've done for me, the things I've learned... Teachers, classmates, church, Christian Fellowship... The places I've been, the things I've done. Reflecting on what has been a tough but fantastic year.

Christmas has always been really special to me. From the time I was young, I'd love to switch off the lights and just watch the Christmas tree lights dance in the darkness. I loved the mystery of an unopened present, Christmas family gatherings, the joyous and festive mood all around as even people not celebrating go out to the malls and see the lights and celebrations. Parents finally taking the time to chill with their children as it's a public holiday.

I have always dreamed of celebrating Christmas with snow, in some rural town but with the occupants bustling about, wishing each other Merry Christmas. The smell of turkey wafting through the open windows of the shops, candy canes hanging at the doors, lovers snuggled up together, enjoying a glass of champagne, families out and about, parents cradling their young children, everyone with rosy red cheeks from the cold, Christmas lights decorating the regular fir trees around the village. Something like from How The Grinch Stole Christmas. I don't know if that dream will come to pass, am I headed to UK next year? Or will I be spending my next Christmas here too? In less than a month, I will know.

Some people treat Christmas as like a religious festival, celebrating the birth of Jesus etc. Kissing baby Jesus' feet in the crib is a must-have tradition for these people. They say, we must remember the true meaning of Christmas. Sure, all these and all, but to me, what's on my mind when Christmas is around the corner is hope. I never quite stopped believing in Santa, although I'm pretty sure that he doesn't climb down chimneys, live in the North Pole, has magic powers, or owns a reindeer named Rudolph. There are people out there who give selflessly, not just on a yearly but daily basis. Santa is just a mascot for them all.

But what the heck. I do still have the hope that one Christmas morning, I'll wake up and find what I really need under the Christmas tree or stuffed in one of my Nike socks. It's just... those movies and all of Christmas feed your imagination, make you wonder if those things really can come true. After all, in the movie, (almost) everyone doesn't believe it will happen too. Until they wake up one morning to find what they really need stuffed in their Adidas socks...

All these Christmas-es I have been disappointed countless times, but I keep wondering if the next one is going to be any different? Wondering if some people can wake up and be more sensitive... Nowadays, I feel like a kid all over again. With college over and it's the holidays, being away from the people I know has broken down my wall of emotionless-ness and security. Gives me lots of time for thinking, but frankly, I'm not enjoying it too much. It's nice to think stuff when there's happy stuff to think, but right now... ah well the saving grace is Christmas.

Back

2010-12-20T22:21:00.001+08:00

Poring Hot Springs, Sabah

It's been a crazily hectic time. Last few weeks of college were insane, like all the class tests, Further Maths, work in all the committees, falling sick, and right after that, flying off to Kota Kinabalu, then coming back for the drive to Johor Bahru for a wedding. In between, frequenting all the malls as Xmas season is upon us once again.

So finally, as of today, the holidays has kind of begun. I say 'kind of', because now it's time to enter study mode. I've gotten offers from Durham and Warwick (yay) and I really need an A for Further Math even for those unis so it's not an option anymore. I was considering dropping it at one point because of all the stress it entails.

Cambridge results in less than a month. I tell myself not to hope for too much, because I'm going to end up very disappointed if it doesn't happen. Some people tell me, if anyone they know can get it, it's gonna be me. Course, they haven't met my genius friends yet, but it's still a very heartwarming thing to hear and it just makes me want to try harder. I think there's no use speculating any more about this because it's just going to add more stress.

We're coming to the end of the year, and while clearing up my room, I came across many old notes and cards, yes I keep (almost) every touching note and card ever written to me. I still have birthday cards from 11/12 years old, love notes from lower secondary, drawings, scribblings... It feels so detached from my life now, like it belonged to someone else... This year has been so humbling in what it has taught me. I really love college, would rather live another year of college than high school, yet this year brought many tears, many heartaches, many sad moments with it.

A primary schoolmate of mine passed away a few weeks ago. I have never talked to him since Standard 3. Not that we were close friends, or even friends, but I remember him as the one who taught me not to cry in front of others. That was a really valuable lesson, thank you so much and may you rest in peace. It's strange that at 18, you know that some people in your life can't even live to your age. It's kind of sad, how fragile life is.

College too, has been a time of plenty of soul-searching. In parts, I know myself better, I know what I am capable of, I know how far my patience can go, yet in other parts I'm just confused. I really don't know myself that well huh. These dreams... they come every night now. Every afternoon nap. Even if I nod off for 10 minutes, the dreams come. I don't know if I should be concerned. It's messing up with my real life. At times, I wake up thinking I'm still in a dream. I can't remember most of what I dream. Still, real life itself is sometimes so difficult that I find myself wishing I can stay in my dreams. Dreams of people, places, events that mean a lot to me.

I'm missing someone. I thought that when you walk out of my life, it's going to make me get bored and look for someone else. I thought it was puppy love. But I find myself constantly thinking of you, thinking of what life would be with you. And it was pretty amazing from what my imagination tells me. Still, these dreams are stupid and are best forgotten. I'm probably never going to see you again.

Vapour in the Wind

2010-11-23T20:33:00.000+08:00

Finally completed UCAS applications. Durham and Warwick took the final two spots. Now I'm researching the other countries, if UK doesn't work out: probably Canada, Australia and even (lol) Japan. Haha dad asked me to apply.

At the same time, started looking for scholarships. If I can get one that'll be really great, so I can reduce the burden on my family. Feel kinda... sad that dad is retiring. The future seems so uncertain then. He's been working at Company X even before I was born, my parents keep reminding us how it puts bread on the table, and now... being reminded that even the things that seem so certain in life don't last forever.

College has started and I'm ecstatic at spending my whole day in college. Distracted from checking my Gmail every few minutes, for updates from UCAS. It's frustrating I tell you. Not a single offer yet. But then again, until just recently I've only applied for 3 unis, and those are known to give out their offers later, like around the January to March period. Hahah. But still, I'm unsettled with all this uncertainty in the future... something I have to get used to I guess. Like... in school, you already know you'll head over to Taylor's, or Sunway, or Inti, depending on your preference, but now, your future lies in the hands of some strangers with thick glasses poring over hundreds of other applications. It feels weird.

All this UCAS stuff just makes me feel like a small small boy in a big big world. To you, it means the world, each offer or rejection... but then there are hundreds, thousands, of others out there waiting for the same thing, trust me, I've been crawling forums to read up on all the offers haha. You think that because you have a good cause, you should be able to so-and-so, but then so many others before you, with the exact same thoughts and intentions, have failed. You don't feel so special anymore. You don't feel like you are really meant for something 'big', judging from what has happened to all those before you who thought the same thing.

You think you're smart, until you meet the BNM and Khazanah scholars. You think you're good-looking, until you see Korean stars. You think you're sharp and witty, until you watch into a college/university debate. You think you're hardworking and dedicated, until you see those people doing 24/7 in the library.

You think that good things should happen to you because you deserve it, but truth is, there are people out there who work far harder than you. Who are more talented than you. Who've done so many awesome things in their lives. You feel so insignificant. Where's my niche in this life? What sets me apart? I can't really find anything, because in everything in life, there's someone who would do better than you in each aspect.

I need to learn to stop focussing on the physical. Sometimes, things happen which defy the rules that the world sets, even the rules of karma, the law of attraction and whatnot... God has never failed me, and I just have to put my trust in His plan. I don't deserve it any more than anyone else, but... we'll see.

Too Much Blonde

2010-11-19T22:35:00.000+08:00

I don't know what's gotten into me, why I'm into Caucasian ladies all of a sudden. XD They are HOT! Gwyneth Paltrow is almost 40 but she's like... *swoons*

I'm not THAT shallow lah. Love the way she sang this. But MAN. I'm thinking I may not get married to an Asian after all, HOW TO when Caucasians are so... hot? I was only kidding a few years back when I said I'd marry a Caucasian, but now seriously, in my opinion at least, they are definitely light years hotter than Asians. At least physically la, you have to admit that right?

ISN'T THAT HOT OMG. *hyperventilates*

Just a random post hahaha. Excuse me while I look for more videos. =D

Can't Express

2010-11-16T21:36:00.002+08:00

Been busy with life. =( Fell in love with this hymn last Sunday at Pantai Baptist Church.

And while looking for the video, I chanced upon this:

Shout to the Lord- American Idol

I remember watching that on TV... Makes me think back, what I was doing then? How different I was back then? I think Shout to the Lord being performed on Idol was a very very beautiful moment, if I were to watch that on TV tonight I'd flip and post up stuff on Facebook and all... and I can't believe that I couldn't recall it before seeing this video. At that time, I hadn't been to ACTS, hadn't become CF President... I've changed haven't I? Was it those things that changed me? Am I becoming Christian-ised? I am actually scared of falling into that stereotype, the person who says grace before meals, the person who says 'God bless you' when someone sneezes, the person who says 'I'll pray for you' when someone shares a problem...

Don't get me wrong. I love being a Christian. It's just... in all these years of my life, I've learned that it's better to wear a cross inside your heart, than on your neck. To let it show through your actions. Words or lip service isn't enough. I don't want to announce verbally that I'm Christian, or to purposely show it through crosses around my neck, T-shirts showing I went to this Christian conference or that... I mean it is great, but it's so much better if people get to know you through your actions first, than your appearance... If you depend on your appearance to show you're Christian, then you might not be doing a very good job at it.

I remember getting "Aren't you Buddhist?" comments in Forms 1 and 2. Now lately, they're so "Duh, you're Christian. I can see that from a mile off" Which is not something I'm entirely comfortable with either. I wonder if it's because I'm I dunno... nicer or something or am I slowly absorbing this culture of 'May the Lord be with you' 'I'll pray for you' and whatnot? They sound more like greetings to me... Usage of it may immediately paint you as Christian even if you're not as Christian in other aspects of your life.

You may be like hmmm. Haha I'm also like hmmm-ing reading my own post. It's kinda hard to put all these down in words, maybe I'll spend a longer post on this. It may be a personal belief so I stand corrected if need be.

And oh by the way, a very happy 17th birthday to CANDICE TOH. You're such an amazing person, really, when I think of my best memories of 2010, you're definitely in it. Your character is just so... infectious. Even as you turn a year older (yet still younger than me), please don't lose that character! I can feel a big fat heart in everything you do, I really hope you achieve your dreams, and God's plans for you. Thank you for teaching me so much this year, and I'm really gonna miss college without you.

Thanks for everything.

Random Notes

2010-11-08T21:19:00.003+08:00

I can't make up my mind if time is passing too quickly or too slowly. It's November already! But it's only November... graaagh.

One more paper and I am done with AS. Felt I did pretty well, far better than the semester and trial exams. Though Economics paper 2 is quite scary... the essay questions were not direct, so answering it is kind of a gamble, hope it turns out alright.

I've been spending a lot of time at home sleeping, thinking, reading (I'm reading novels again, right now I'm on the Time Traveller's Wife), playing and studying. My mind is over-stimulated.

SAM students are done with Taylor's this week. Bummer.

I'm so gonna conquer linear spaces by the end of this week. It's time to catch up with Further Math.

Lunch with Guang, Khim and Ben was... weird.

My feelings right now are really messed up.

I miss ACTS.

Realised that I'm quite a pro stalker.

I want big, nerdy, plastic specs.

I don't know why but all of a sudden, RM50 notes are just appearing in my wallet. I didn't know I had so much money. It's bad because I am so tempted to spend...

Yesterday was Juyinn's birthday but I haven't uploaded the pictures of our lunch with Guang, Astrid and Joanna. It's cos' I still don't know what to do with Joanna's eye ahahahaha.

I fell in love. With Odette Yustman.

I need a new Facebook profile picture.

Big Dreams

2010-10-30T18:55:00.003+08:00

I haven't been able to sleep at night. I realise that if I do not get into Cambridge, I am not going overseas. Unless some kind university out there is willing to give me a scholarship. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind doing a degree here, but Economics in Malaysia? Taylor's doesn't offer it. Neither does Sunway or Monash. If I want to do it in those places, I'd probably have to do an Accounting or Commerce kind of thing instead. But noooo I can't do that. Seriously. I have my reasons for wanting to do Econs, and if it's not Econs, it's gonna be Actuarial Science.

But gaaah. I guess this decision might not be in my own hands. I am just so... envious at the people whose parents have all the money to sponsor their kids overseas, in the degree they want. I never really felt like a Cinderella until today. Man. We're poor. This cruel realisation that not everyone in the world has an equal opportunity, it depends where they're born, how they're born, to whom they're born to...

My friends can talk of all the fancy places they want to study in, New Zealand, Japan, Canada, US... And the worst thing is their parents can afford it and are supportive. I can't do that. Why oh why is this world so unfair.

I'm thinking of giving up an A-levels subject, and to take a gap year after I'm done with A-levels to work. If I don't get into Cambridge, I don't need to do all this any more. All this revision at home, reading on the subject... the future is set. Why bother?

I know it sounds terrible to say so, but I am just being realistic. Maybe I should just force myself into Accounting or something, to make a living. I can kiss goodbye to those big fancy dreams of mine. Which has nothing to do with living in a posh house with 10 maids, thank you. Wealth doesn't motivate me. But this time, the lack of it may be enough to crush my dreams.

Done

2010-10-21T11:29:00.003+08:00

It was okay. =P No way of knowing how I did or what he thought of it. From here on, besides Saturday's TKS test, it's God all the way. Truly, nothing more I can do.

I'm just so relieved right now that I've seen my application through to completion. At least I know I've tried. No matter what happens, I'm forever grateful for this opportunity.

And thank you to my friends, family and lecturers. For believing in me. However, some things are not just a matter of skill. There's an element of chance involved, stuff that's outside our control. Whatever happens, happens. I don't want to speculate or anything, and I will try not to be disappointed if I don't get it. Life has to go on. Whatever happens, I'm still going to a university, probably still going to learn Economics. It's no death sentence if I don't get it.

Ahhh. The peace coming over me now. Last night was just hell. Couldn't sleep at all. Now time for a much needed rest... for my body and mind.

From This Moment, The Paths Diverge

2010-10-20T18:45:00.003+08:00

It's tomorrow.

I have rarely been more nervous in my entire life. This can very well mean my future, my country of study, my subject of study, my future career. If I don't do well, I'll try to tell myself I'm okay, that owh c'mon it's just a small thing, but I'd feel that I have let myself down.

Most of you don't quite understand what it means for me to get in. I'm not just applying for 'another good university'. It's between me and God why I need to/want to go there. Throughout this year, God has been providing me with opportunities leading up to this moment. Throughout my life, God has been guiding my choice of deciding on doing Economics. It wasn't always something I wanted to do.

To realise that I have some kind of talent in all the areas I need, I think I've found my calling. Tomorrow might very well tell me whether that's where I'm headed. Otherwise, circumstances will force me to take an entirely different path. I want to pursue God's plan because I know that's the best for me. And I know that I have what it takes... but if it's not sharpened enough, if I'm not prepared enough, I only have myself to blame.

So many things in life, we think we know all the answers but we really don't. Things happen when we don't want them to happen. Things don't happen when we want them to happen. Being so dependent on God this year, I think that has really challenged and strengthened my faith. This has really been an unforgettable year, and I have to say, more so than any year before. For the first time since first joining CF, I felt how it's like to be alone this year. Not to really have a senior or teacher to rely on. I used to have this feeling that everything's gonna be okay, that if something bad happens, someone older will sort it out for me. Will look out for me.

In college, you learn to be independent. Yes, even with your friends all around you, this is the year you learn to find yourself. And you're not going to do that if you intend on hiding behind someone's drawers all your life. And frankly, nobody has drawers long enough to hide behind in college. Ahahahaa.

In all the hectic-ness, stress, emotional turmoil this year has brought, I had to rely on God so many times, and all those times, He really came through for me. When I see my results, which are A's, but on the borderline, I truly thank God. Just one or two more wrong and I would have dropped a grade. When I think of the ways things have just clicked into place this year, it's just really surreal.

I just need one extra push of faith for tomorrow. As much as I'm not sure I believe it, I proclaim an awesome interview tomorrow. Because faith is when you can see things that have not occurred. God please come through for me. =)

Muse

2010-10-15T20:24:00.003+08:00

Been asking myself a lot lately: what do I want?

Sometimes the path seems so clear, so obvious, and yet sometimes... I still have that thought whether I should defer to the January 2011 intake and do engineering instead... crazy, yeah haha. My parents would shred me in the paper shredder and feed my strips to our neighbours before I do that.

It's just that I feel like I have so much expectations on me. I don't want to end up a screw-up. I'm not talking about not getting a job that fetches RM 15,000 a month or something, I really couldn't care less about the money, as long as it's enough for me to live comfortably, but I don't just want to be the random office worker guy rushing to work every morning, meeting deadlines, going home at night to a cold dinner when the children are already asleep, basically, an office worker like any other office worker running in this rat race.

I know I want more than that. But then, so does everyone right? What person in their right mind would say they'd love to have a nine-to-five job and live an average life, in an average house in an average city, doing average things? LOL. As I'm typing that, I realise that some people actually do. But I just feel there's MORE to life, y'know? I'm sure you understand?

Lotsa people look back when they're 40 or so, and they're like, man I can't believe I'm doing this for a living. We think back of all our ambitions we had when growing up: to be an astronaut, scuba diver, Prime Minister, actor, singer, and we look at ourselves now in the mirror and just see a guy who hasn't gotten enough sleep, a huge beer belly with the midriff showing (ahaha ewww), rushing to a job he doesn't like because he forgot to set his alarm the night before. And what is there really to look forward to? The next day, next next day, next next next day? Every day just ends up the same. Wake up. Work. Eat. Work. Read newspapers. Sleep.

When we're young, we have all these dreams, we have so much to look forward to. So many things would actually have been possible, if we had realised what we needed to do from the very beginning, and done it. Yet, with every passing day, our time to realise that potential gets shorter, opportunities are getting nearer, nearer, but at the same time, if we're unprepared to grab them, they just go by us. Doors close on us one by one, and before we know it, we're 40, with huge beer bellies with the midriff showing.

I remember that SPM poem. The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Even when studying that for SPM, I found this poem so true and so scary. Haha. Like Form 1's poem by Shakespeare, Life's Brief Candle. But this poem struck me more, because it's not so much about the mammoth topic of the meaninglessness of life (sobz), but about decisions we make, which we do make on a daily basis. How will I ever know if one is better than the other? Heck, even after I've chosen one, I might never know if I made the right choice. But it would be really terrible to discover that you've made the wrong choice, innit? Like to go into accounting but later discover you actually wanted to be a doctor all this while... and find that you can't stand being an accountant. What more if you're one for the rest of your life.

I know, I know, my thoughts are all disorganised and stuff. But the weird dreams I've been having the last couple of nights got me thinking bout all these things again. I feel so... unsettled? Oh God, please give me wisdom.

2010-10-11T22:10:00.002+08:00

Ahahahaa. Third place in Accounting competition today O.o and I won RM150!!! And a nice crystal trophy, wow I just realised how long it's been since I've won a trophy, the last time I can remember would probably be during my primary school days, although I think I probably would have picked up a few in secondary school.

It is so funny for several reasons:

1) I did not want to enter in the first place. AS Maths finals on Wednesday!!
2) I had planned to go off after the first round, which is before they announced the finalists, but I stayed on because my Accounts teacher was there. Bummer.
3) The competition is meant for degree level Accounts. We pre-U people were like the super minority there.
4) The first question I guessed in the second round was like LOLness. It was a spoken test, I got a subjective question, and the person was asking on auditing which I don't know nuts about, I mumbled something and the judges said it was right. Ahahaa.

And met so many people today, man my day feels so awesome. Natalie, May Zhen, Chooi Si, Jimmy, Melody... man the people I love and miss so much. I guess I really have to thank my Accounts teacher for forcing me into this, otherwise I wouldn't be RM150 richer. And Ann Bee, Hui Ling and Mr. Chan! Who stayed on till the end. Omgosh I'm so touched man.

If you noticed, I just achieved another of my life goals! On the right side of this blog. Ahaha. Man now it feels like I set my sights so low when I was writing out those life goals. And to accept that I'm not going to enter Harvard, at least not in the next three years. UK here I come! (hopefully) Cambridge interview coming up, I really really hope for all the best not just for myself, but for Guang, Ben and all my buddies. I just can't imagine that we're competing for spots, I have this stupid hope in me that they're gonna love the Subang Utama applicants so much they'll just offer places to all of us. Man imagine that. Especially if all of them are from 5 Gamma too, that will be like so O.o.

Really thank you so much God for today. Everything turned around today, and the day just can't have ended better. I just got some great news from my dad! Haha. Something I've been waiting for for some time. I can sleep well tonight. =P

Can't Do This Alone

2010-10-06T19:00:00.003+08:00

Mock interview today. Went well. Actual interview for Cambridge on the 21st.

I can't believe I'm that much closer. What seemed like a dream just a few months ago now seems quite possible. I don't know if I will get it in the end, I promised myself I wouldn't be disappointed, I think I probably would be. Well, life goes on, there are THOUSANDS of other applicants, and if it goes to someone more deserving, well, congrats.

Never thought I'd be here today. And quite possibly, neither did a lot of people. Being here, I'm proving a lot of people wrong already. It feels kinda good, actually. Haha.

In all of this, I'm learning more and more not to rely on my own strength, but on God's. Faced so many challenges, so much heartache, some mornings I just don't want to leave my bed, but yeah somehow I pulled through. Prayer meeting has been such an important part of my life this year, even more than last year. It perks you up on bad mornings and reminds you early in the day to really surrender it all to God and everything turns out fine.

Candice has been a real inspiration to me, in the way that she truly surrendered it all in her uni application. I really wish I have the guts like her not to have a 'Plan B' but I'm still finding it hard to do right how. Also, how she turns up for prayer every morning even when she's unprepared for a test and all. How she would readily agree to help lead prayer meet even when I message her at midnight.

I just really love these guys I see every morning so much la. Good days or bad days, it's just so heartening to watch this group of people come together in the morning to commit the day to God. To me, prayer meet is the highlight of my college life, just like it was in school. I totally can't imagine there not being prayer meet. I'd feel so empty throughout the day.

I'm just really tired right now. It's been a awesome but really long and exhausting day, and my head just can't wait to touch the pillow. Blog, I'll see you again in the near future.

Impending

2010-09-26T20:35:00.001+08:00

Finals in 2 weeks...
Gotta pace myself...
Don't be distracted...
Don't get a burnout...
Make full use of these 2 weeks so I don't live in regret at the end of it...
This time...
This is really it.

A Disappointment

2010-09-21T18:37:00.004+08:00

I feel like such a loser today.

Getting back my results last week, I was extremely relieved to see that I got an A for Accounting, though barely. Which means straight A's again, although two subjects fell by a lot and two went up a lot, my average marks actually improved from 84 to 86. I THOUGHT I was happy, until college started.

Never in my life have I felt that I have to live up to what my teachers expect of me. Never have I wanted to. It's always been what I feel I should be achieving, not what anyone else wants for me. I feel like I really really disappointed some of them. Especially Accounts. And Math. I was like 'Cherr I improved right?' and she was like 'Well yeah, but you should actually be hitting the 90's. What went wrong?' I was so emo today I sat down for 3 hours to do past year papers. Now THAT's something coming from me.

But seriously. My teachers know I can do better, and deep down, I too realise that. I slacked off too much during the exams. Slept between 1 am to 2 am everyday cos' I was hooked on a new NDS game. Till now, I feel SOOO stupid looking at all the careless mistakes in my papers. Some of which I knew I could have avoided if I was wide awake at that time, and didn't sleep late the night before. Some of which I would have known if I had bothered to open up my past year papers to revise.

This time, for my AS, it's really my future in my hands. It's do or die. I can't say that it doesn't really matter anymore, like what I said during the SPM. How well I do this time could very well lead me to my university, course or even country of study. If I don't get a scholarship, I'm not going overseas. And it's not just me I would have let down if I don't do well. Every one of my lecturers, friends, family, who have believed in me, I am freaking scared of letting you all down. It's not pressure, but I just don't want to disappoint you all.

I really really feel so stupid. If I had put in the effort, I know I could be achieving some outstanding results today, but what I'm getting is just above average. I don't want to be that 'above average' person. I know I am better than that, and from their reactions, I know my lecturers know that too. I hope it's not too late to change.

Eli Stone

2010-09-09T23:28:00.005+08:00

ELI STONE ELI STONE ELI STONE ELI STONE

FINALLY! After like a whole year of searching, managed to find the DVD set!!! Of Season 1 only, Season 2 is probably going to be even harder to find, not sure if it's even out in Malaysia... but still,

ELI STONE ELI STONE ELI STONE ELI STONE

But then, I looked up the net for news on Season 2 and Season 3... but...

GASP.

There's no Season 3, due to the not-so-high ratings. And Season 2 ends on a cliffhanger-ish thingy. I'm not even sure I wanna buy Season 2 in that case. I'm going to be so darn sad when the season is over and left hanging.

ABC!!! BRING BACK ELI STONE!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE OMGOSH!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE THE STORY LIKE THAT!!! AT LEAST JUST COME UP WITH A SEASON 3 TO TIE EVERYTHING UP!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME/US!!!

Well I guess a lot of you also haven't even heard of Eli Stone. =( But I looked up quite a few sites, and EVERYONE WANTS ELI BACK! I'm not the only geek here screaming out for a Season 3 of one of the most awesome series ever.

Hmm. A demo outside ABC's office, anyone?

McPhee-ver

2010-09-05T20:04:00.005+08:00

OMG.
I fell in love with Katharine McPhee. Again.

HOT HOT HOT OUCHHHH!!

Down with McPhee-ver!!

So happy to hear her song receiving so much airplay!! Finally going mainstream!! This song really reminds me of 'Way Back into Love' which can be called an all-time classic in my books already. 'Terrified', join the gang!

No idea how happy I am to hear her song on heavy airplay. I was rooting for her from the start in American Idol, suffered depression when she lost to TAYLOR HICKS of all people, and after that she still produced some music but basically most people didn't know about her. Her most famous till this song was probably Love Story, but bet many of you haven't even heard of it, there's only the Taylor Swift one stuck in your head.

MAN IT'S THE TAYLOR CURSE.

But finally!!!! WOOHOO! GO KATHARINE!!! YOU RAWK!!! But hope you go back to brunette though. Hotness level goes down from 100,000% to 99,999.9% when you're blonde. But still...

droooooooooooooooooooooolllllllllllllllllllll.......

I'm sorry but move over, Gemma Artenton.

AND AND AND I'VE WATCHED STEP UP 3D!!!
I [heart] Sharni Vinson OMG!!

PURE HOTNESS!!!

Rambang mata siall! Why are there such perfect women in the world!!!

Been Watching Oprah

2010-08-25T20:59:00.002+08:00

Watching Whitney Houston on Oprah made me really sad, but at the same time think.

One really interesting part was when Oprah read out someone's comment that Whitney's case was not one of self-destruction, but of someone's failure to guard a 'national treasure', which would be her voice. I still remember those times in the car listening to 'I Will Always Love You' and 'The Greatest Love of All', and being like WOW. Does that voice really belong to a human?

Whitney was like, "That's heavy." And she saw that yeah, it's kinda easy to see how someone else would see it that way. But she said, fame took her life away, her privacy, her happiness, she felt like she was living for someone else, not herself. It was difficult, and depressing, and partially that's what got her into that mess.

That got me thinking.

I feel sometimes, like I'm living for someone else. Do you? Sometimes, I don't actually care what results I get in some exams. I do it for my parents. Sometimes, I just wanna change the way I look, try something new for a change, punk, goth, or something. I don't, for my juniors who respect me.

What would society be like if we could do anything without people watching? Basically, not having to live for others. May a times, it's so hot we just wanna walk out of the house naked, but then we're like "What will the neighbours say?" and of course "Crap, everyone's gonna stare." We sometimes are too lazy to go to church on a Sunday morning, but then we remember all the church leaders who'll give you a lecturing when they find you're not there. So you're like "Fine..." and drag yourself to church.

So if no one's watching, we're free to live for ourselves. We can make choices based solely on our private costs and benefits (in Economics terms). How different life would be. I think I'd probably be living naked haha. Not in the obscene sense la. It's just SO HOT. Not to mention I can get a nice all-over tan, not just on my arms and face.

You're probably going like, "Okayyyyyy...." Haha. Forget that.

But yeah I'm just wondering: how much of my life is not lived for anyone else, but for me? What do I want actually from life, if I were to take family, friends, and society out of the equation?

Hmm. Haven't quite got an answer for that yet. Need to do some soul-searching,

Anyway, after watching Whitney Houston, I'm revisiting some of the all-time greats on Youtube. Whitney, Celine Dion, Aretha Franklin... Ah, good times. I think this hols, gonna source for some old movies to watch. Anyone has 'My Best Friend's Wedding'? Can't find mine already. T.T

Excuse the random post. =P

Circumstances, Circumstances

2010-08-16T19:24:00.003+08:00

Not a very good day. Haih.

Yet, I am uber-relieved that these are all just circumstances, circumstances which just come and go. I have already put in my uni application so I don't have to worry about that anymore, Malaysian Studies is over, I don't know whether to be happy or sad, I really love Malaysian Studies classes yet at the same time, now there's an extra 3 hours break per week! Haha.

Trials is in a week's time, there's nothing much to study actually. What's coming up is exactly the same as our semester exams, so I just need to do some revision and lotsa exercise. Classes are in 100% revision mode currently, so there isn't the stress of learning something new. I suppose when I break it down, today's not a very bad day after all.

I'm starting to have all these dreams again. Every night, even in my afternoon naps. Is it a sign that I'm stressed, or is it some kind of 'divine' message? It's starting to get a little irritating because when I get up halfway through, I have this kind of empty feeling, kind of like watching a whole movie but missing the ending. Which leaves me pretty disoriented and confused for the day.

Been thinking about some people recently, some people whom I thought I'd always be friends with, till God-knows-when. I can't believe how much we've drifted apart in all these years. They've changed, no WE'VE changed, that whatever shreds of them I held on to those years back aren't even a part of who they are today. I still can remember some of the ambitions we shared with each other back in primary school; most of us are pursuing something entirely different currently.

I thought I had a great memory of people, but every so often an unfamiliar face would pop up and go like 'Hi! Remember me?' and I'd be like errrr... And they say I've changed. I can't remember some of the stuff they remember of me. Heck, I can't remember them. This that we forget: are they the insignificant memories we had? What about what I do today? Is it going to be an insignificant memory in future? Suddenly, I feel like blogging here right now is kind of worthless haha.

In choosing to move forward, we have to let go of things and let them fall along the path we take. If we continue to cling on for old time's sake, we won't have hands to hold the parang to slash through the undergrowth in front of us. It's kind of sad letting it go, but that's life, isn't it? I look at all my most prized possessions, prized not for its monetary value, but for its sentimental value, me obtaining it in certain special occasions in my life, and I know that I won't be carrying it by my side forever. One day, when I move out of this house, some are going to get left behind. If I migrate overseas. As I get older and have bigger priorities in life than little trinkets. They will get left behind, no doubt.

It's kind of sad, but oh well that's life.

I Love Elmo

2010-08-10T19:08:00.005+08:00

I have passed some milestones in life that I'm never going back to.

I know this is quite an emo blog, but unfortunately, I am quite an 'emo' person, if you follow the definition of 'emo' by most people. But I don't consider myself emo la haha. Not that there's anything wrong with being emo. 'Emo' sounds like 'Elmo' and Elmo is happy, so emo is happy too. ^.^

I can't believe that Malaysian Studies is almost over. We've completed all the tests and assignments and now it's only the finals we're waiting for. To think that when we started out, we were so dreading it, thinking that it's going to go on forever.

I'm so gonna miss rushing back after breaktime to sit in those comfy plushy seats in LT2. The best classroom in the world, in my opinion haha. And to learn a bit here and there about Malaysian politics and history. Why wasn't history and civics subjects in high school like this? At least I wouldn't feel that all those hours spent would have gone to waste.

8 months down the road from the time I left secondary school, I find that most of what is learnt for PMR and SPM is fantastically useless. They just teach you how to memorise, not how to think. Thank God for a few amazing teachers that saved the day, and made you actually interested in the subject, not the textbook.

CF? Isn't the same either. It's definitely different here in Taylor's, but different isn't necessarily bad. I feel that I've really grown quite a lot from the CF here, sucks to be you if you're not in CF haha.

Everything's just so different now when compared to barely a year ago. People change. A lot. I do too. In some way's I believe I'm more mature, but in other ways, I think I've taken a few steps backwards. Haha.

And sometimes, walking backwards isn't a bad thing. Like in the matter of faith, when you find you're walking too far into 'thinking through' and 'explaining' God, I think that's the time for you to walk backwards a little and learn how to have that childlike faith once again. Life's really so beautiful when you don't think and worry so much, and just live in each moment.

I made a list for myself, what I would do in college at the beginning of the year, but what I have done so far is so different from my plans. Yet, it couldn't have happened any other way than what I have actually gone through.

I'll be honest. Top of my list when I made the plan was to have a girlfriend. Haha. But now I'm feeling that I don't really need one yet? Feeling some attraction, but I know that this is not the time for any of those things, it's best to go into it when you know you're serious and it's not just puppy love, and I'm not sure if it's not puppy love yet.

I told myself I'd work harder in studies, and thank God the effort has really shown thus far. Yet, at the same time, I'm realising more and more that studies aren't everything, there are things in life that depend on things other than a degree, that I have to learn to enjoy really connecting with my friends, it wasn't like this before. It always felt more like a work relationship because I was so scared of being hurt when the time came to part, which is inevitable. Yet I've learnt that to enjoy life, you have to learn to get hurt, much as to learn how to skate, be prepared to FALL. MANY MANY TIMES.

People ask me 'how're ya?' and I just have to say, life's good. It really is. How different it is when you have a positive outlook of things, when you learn to really let go and let God, when you know you have friends and teachers who really back you up when you're in need.

Life's good, no matter how many tests I have that week, no matter how many assignments I haven't handed in, no matter how badly I did in a test, because life isn't all about studies, and it's the many other 'little' things that make life truly worth living.

Some Hearts

2010-07-30T19:59:00.002+08:00

God is putting some things back in perspective for me.

After CF Camp (which might be the last in my life T.T) I just feel a sense of refreshment and knowing why I'm here.

Of course, there's still doubts and worries in the corners of my mind, but somehow I feel more... how to say it, at ease letting go and letting God.

I don't wanna let go of this feeling. There's a sort of reassurance somewhere in my soul that I don't have to worry, everything's gonna be okay.

I've been feeling that there's unfairness in this life, why is my life so difficult? Like the Carrie Underwood song, 'some hearts they just get all the right breaks, some hearts have the stars on their side, some hearts they just have it so easy, some hearts just get lucky sometimes.' I've been wondering why I'm not those 'some hearts'. I know it's going to be a struggle for me. But just now I realised that the most awesome testimonies are borne from those who have gone through tests, cos' there isn't a 'test-imony' without a 'test', it's only an 'imony'.

It's getting nearer. I'm scared. God, help me.

Cute! Ahahah

2010-07-17T21:11:00.002+08:00

Today is one of the longest day of my life ever. I woke up at 5.30 this morning kayy. I can just cry, I'm so exhausted, physically and mentally.

Today is Taylor's 2nd Intervarsity Debate Competition, which I somehow am a part of, despite the time constraints and the rocky road in the committee leading up to today. Nevertheless, today it just all fell into place, I had a great time for the bigger part of it, and I totally wouldn't dream of being anywhere in the world but here today.

I've never talked to the committee much before this, I myself am just a committee member, as in like the bottom of the list thing, the person who comes after all the 'glamour' posts, but suits me fine because of my heavier involvement in CF. Every debate meeting somehow clashes with a CF meeting, or Business Club meeting, or Further Math class. So I ended up not even knowing the names of the people I'm supposed to be working with.

Which was a really cool thing today that I got to be able to talk to and get to know so many of them. Such an invaluable experience man. I didn't know these people were so nice! Seriously. I didn't even say 'hi' to them before this, and today I feel like I can share my bank account number with them. Almost.

Also, met with my cousin, ex-IPTA debater, and maaaan haven't seen him in ages. I'm just so happy that he was there, I really miss him with his Pokemon cards (oh yeahhh he brought them today) I'm just really really happy. And basically the competition went pretty smoothly, a lot of things fell into place somehow.

And then... after the third round, we found out that one of the debaters from our Team 1 'went home'. I don't know what actually happened, but they needed a replacement so yeah. Everyone straightaway looked at me haha. I was like nooo please ask someone else but all the other people we knew could debate were busy. Crap. I had to do it.

And like before the thing, in the room, I was seriously so stressed. Never felt so stressed in my life. The team we were up against were like all foreigners, one or two of them were awesomely eloquent and crapp here I was knowing that I'll compete 15 minutes before the comp. To make things worse, the other guy had a nervous breakdown, it just wasn't a good day for the team, and he was just... ah.

I was like... urrrgh. To make things worse, I hardly even got the topic. Why is it so much harder than high school? I haven't had anything to do with actual debates for 1 year + and even at my 'prime' I could never go up against these guys.

Well the guy who had a breakdown came back after a while and he said 'ok he'll do it', but we're just in it for fun la. We know we'd lose. I was like ok la but still blurrring because man I was just thrown into this! Ohgosh.

Anyway the debate started and it was damn scary, the opposing team was like so funny, they made funny sounds and faces when they disagreed. We were government, I was the government whip. Haha. I had to be, because I had no idea what case to present. All I can do is crap about whatever those before me has mentioned.

But yeah. Cut the story short, I didn't do too badly and the debate president, Shasi was happy. My teammates we like 'wow!' You're really good! I was sooo touched, and the nervous breakdown guy who was on my right was also really supportive to me when he realised how nervous/stressed I was, he even helped me out during my speech when he tried to complain about the opposition.

Basically everyone was happy, no I don't think we won, but we definitely gave a fight. The adjudicator said that it was an interesting debate and she was kept awake throughout. Kinda a feat considering we wanted to 'throw' the debate.

Went back to the secretariat with the committee after that, compliments abound. Although none of them actually saw our match haha. But gee man, really really thank you so much for having the faith in me, I hope I haven't let you all down, though from what you guys tell me, I didn't (assuming you're not lying to me haha). I went back with my parents and told them the whole thing and they told me they're damn proud of me. Ohgosssh. I really really needed that.

And haha the randomest fact. Today I was wearing a new blue shirt, we the committee were supposed to be in formal wear, and I was helping Dong with the food. So serving serving all the participants. Haha later, I was talking to Shasi and he mentioned that a few teams of girls asked if 'that cute guy in blue over there' could be their runner. Runner is basically a kinda tour guide for the group for the day so yeah. HAHA! Aww they call me cute! Not that kind of cute. The cute kind of cute. Omgosh. The cute guy kind of cute.

Hahaha! Really really big confidence boost. Really really thank you Lord for all the wisdom man. During my speech I totally zoned out at times, but yeah somehow I snapped back in. Really really God I can't do it without you. Thank You like seriously seriously. Thank You.

Choices

2010-07-16T21:45:00.002+08:00

So many things going on, facing so many dilemmas everyday. Ahh choices. People are happier when they don't have to make them? Read that in one of the Thinking Skills papers. When you don't have a choice, you just know that you have to make the best with what you have. But when you DO have a choice, sometimes we don't really know which is better for you. In fact, sometimes, what is better for you is not necessarily what you should choose. Something I've learned recently.

And another wise phrase from my friend that I've started to live by day to day. "Doesn't matter how you start, it's how you finish that counts." Ok it doesn't sound original, but yeah I find that I've been unhappy with the circumstances, with the hand I've been dealt, wondering why I have to have it this way when other people have it much better, and even worse, people don't give you a handicap for being disadvantaged, no you have to work your way from the bottom up. And I'd grumble about having to do that, wondering why life is like this.

But yeah I realised that it's no use thinking of all that, all I know is where I'm going and that's all that matters. I can't let myself get distracted, not now, of all times in my life. Need to stay focussed on what I need, and want to do.

I need to stop living my life with so many commas, and just fill it with exclamation marks instead. I really admire people who are passionate and constantly excited, I really want to start living my life like that. Someone told me that I don't have to change who I am, but what if I want to? I really really want to move from this place to someplace better.

Thanks

2010-07-14T21:54:00.000+08:00

Taught me some important lessons in life.

Gasp

2010-07-13T20:04:00.005+08:00

WORK WORK WORRRK!!!

If I survive this month, I probably w0uld be able to survive living on a desert island for 50 years. I'm gasping for air under all of this work. To make it worse, I'm having this frequent migraine, and all I wanna do is sleep it off.

Let me just say to life, CHOP SEKEJAP! You're moving too fast! What's wrong with you? I'm more than 1/3 through my A-Levels, probably reaching the halfway mark already. Where did all the time go? I seriously must remember to make time for other more important things once this month is over. Life's not all about clubs, societies, events and studies. Friends, classmates, family, ... T.T Haven't been spending much time with them. I'm such a recluse, man.

To quote someone I eavesdropped on today: I wish I could go back to that time and just stay there forever. You remember back then? When we didn't have all of this... stress, and worries. We were just carefree.

Do I really? The grass is always greener on the other side eh? I bet when I'm 'carefree' again, I'd probably feel so useless and unproductive I'll be on Facebook 24/7. And turn into a couch potato. A fat one.
Oh and when this month is over, I promise myself I'm going to BURN FATS. I can have a nosebleed looking at myself in the mirror (happened before) seeing how fat I've become. MAN I'VE GOT TO GET FIT AGAIN.Aih.

But I do miss a lot of people. Joshua Song, who would have started his first day in uni today. And Ann Ee, who starts I-don't-know-when. And my ex-PB2-ians, Awanis, Huay Chin, Huzafa, Bryan, Fidot, 'Minju' ahahah. It feels like just yesterday we were all laughing every time teacher called out Huzafa's name, before he showed up. At the mention of 'Huzafa Hayat' the whole class would burst into laughter. Until the day he really appeared at our doorstep, hah! Good memories.

One of the first few days with the loves of my life.

National Day of Slippers.

From our days on the ground floor.

It feels like I've known you guys forever. I have never said this, (and probably never will), but I really really love you guys man. You guys make coming to college so fun. You guys are generous, kind, funny, caring... I'm not a very good classmate, what more a class rep, and I'm really sorry for not being there for you guys the way you have always been there for me. I'm damn sad that half a year had gone by so quickly, I'm sure it cos you guys were in it, cos' time flies when you're having fun.

Wow this is probably one of my longest posts in a long time.

I've taken to bursting out in laughter at the stupidest things in class nowadays. Sometimes, I laugh for no reason. I don't think I've gone cuckoo. (yet) It's just... my thoughts have been drifting far far away, just replaying those wonderful memories to keep me cheerful and get through this crazy month.

God I need You so.

The Rock

2010-06-29T18:13:00.003+08:00

DISAPPOINTED.

In myself and the circumstances. But above all, in myself.

I don't know how things are going to work out. Now I know what it means when pastor talks about a 'God dependence'. I really really need You now, God.

I don't want to let it slip by. But let it happen by Your grace. Only You know what's best for me.

All the other things don't matter now. Right now, Pastor Daniel's and his wife's words are ringing in my ears. Thank you for the forewarning, and the words of comfort.

I'll pull through this, somehow. I promise.

Thank You

2010-06-28T17:10:00.006+08:00

Ohgosssh. It's so beautiful I think I'm going to cry.

I'm not gloating. I just forgot how that looks like. Since Form 3, I never got a result slip that looks like this. My SPM cert was my wake-up call that I need to start concentrating on my studies.

Thank you God, really really thank You, although I know that I've also worked hard for it this time, but it can only be by Your grace that this happened. I'll continue to work hard and do better.

Home

2010-06-26T14:19:00.004+08:00

Got back from my HK/Macau trip last last night. It was nice to get out of the country awhile and see new things. Also achieved another of my life's dreams which is to see Madame Tussaud's.

HK was really really nice. I know more than ever that I'm the city kind of person because wow, the city skyline was amazing, the city lights, the people who walk quickly in the subway, the close, compact buildings, the places to go, man that's the life. I don't like small towns, I don't like a quiet life, I need the hustle and bustle of a city.

Besides the city, Hong Kong is really beautiful. The beaches, oh wow. The numerous parks they have on all the islands. Even the Disneyland there had more trees than the one in Tokyo. This time, I didn't get sunburnt. Haha.

After 4 days in HK, we crossed over to Macau which was the OPPOSITE. I know Macau is well known for its casinos and stuff, but it was not as... clean as Hong Kong, and there's people smoking everywhere, even indoors. On the roads, you still have drivers who cut in at the front of the queue. It was quite a culture shock seeing cigarettes, alcohol and condoms sold on the counter, not behind it. Even young 20-something women in business suits walk around with a cig in their mouth.

Just a quick summary of my trip. Didn't buy any clothes, it wasn't sales season. Oh oh but I found these awesome set of earphones which are embedded with Swarovski crystals. Damn sexy man. Less than RM200. Now my ears can glitter. Omgosh that sounds so gay.

Came back, first thing was to check my semester exam results on BB7. Quite disappointed, for Thinking Skills I got 77 and Maths was 79. Expected much better. The other subjects I did well. ^.^ It's still straight A's but yeah I really need to buck up if I want to achieve my target of straight A*'s.

College is starting on Tuesday. AT LAST. Can't wait to go back.

SU CF Camp 2010

2010-06-18T10:50:00.002+08:00

I had an awesome time in SU's CF Camp 2010 yesterday. Went down to Seremban with Chaky, Shaun, Edward, and his friend, Hannah. Ben also drove, with Ken Jiu and Yosef. It was great to see everyone in the 'camp spirit', still remember that spirit every time we organise camp, it feels so different knowing that you're spending 3 to 4 days away from your family, with the whole CF, just having a great time worshiping and fellowshipping.

It was a bit strange walking in as a 'Super Senior' haha, and so malu lah when everyone's cheering when you can see that 1/3 of the crowd don't have a clue who you are. And I feel so bad that I can't call so many of them by name already after this half year. I was like staring at Abigail's face trying to recall her name lol. And so many juniors whom I know but never actually got their names right. Haha.

Games, to be honest, were a little tame this year compared to last year's. Chocolate + peanut butter in diapers! Haha and the huge lizard that crawled into the small pond just before the first team arrived; we went ahead anyway! Lol! Poor camp contestants, they didn't know that the lizard was having a nice spa session as they went round the pool.

Night session was amazing. The whole hall was just in dead silence as Pr Daniel Singh delivered his message. It could be that everyone was sleepy-ish, but I think that everyone was just hanging onto his message word-for-word. I know I was lol. It was really really awesome. Then altar call, some unexpected faces showed up at the front, and I was so so so happy. Like really really happy. Haha got some personal things la.

Then MJ invited all the college students to be prayed for by Pr Daniel. I was really touched because I received confirmation for some things which I have been worrying about for the longest time, there was a bit of prophecy, and it also confirmed the word I received from Pr Gurmit Singh two years ago on the very same night at CF Camp. Pastor's wife also spoke to me, it was an emotional time for me, and also an encouraging thing to know that I'm on the right track in life. This just pushes me on to do better, and further excel, knowing that this is the right path to pursuit.

We went back at about 12 midnight. It was quite a scary thing coming back to Subang in the dead of the night, haha we made several mistakes at the toll exits and stuff but ultimately we reached back in Subang in one piece.

I logged on this morning and I read that a TCPJ student, who was also a part of the CF there, was killed in an accident with a trailer yesterday morning. Remembering back all the trailers last night as we journeyed back from Seremban, I just kept thinking, that could have been us. Still remember Alvin (or was it Shaun?) commenting on the trailers as we were overtaking them, how easy it would be for any one of those trailers to crush our car if they lost control, as it was a very narrow road. I was holding my breath each time we passed one.

Thank God for journey mercies. I am very sad about the guy's family, although I don't know him/them, they suffered for something that wasn't their fault. It could have been anyone. Well God works in His own mysterious way, let's just believe in His greater plan for our lives.

Freakish Dream

2010-06-14T19:50:00.002+08:00

I had a really weird and vivid dream last night.

I dreamt that I went back to the beginning of college. Walking in, meeting classmates, lecturers, experiencing Orientation Day, having my first few classes... It was one of the strangest dreams I ever had.

I wasn't just living it out again, but I knew what was going to happen, kinda like I actually went back to the past, with full knowledge of the future. I was able to make choices knowing full well the outcomes, even questions the teachers asked, I could answer them all, since I've already 'done it'. I was more selective of my friends because I already knew the ones I'd be closer with in the end.

I realised that I was able to go back and redo things, this time better. I made different decisions this time. I was able to avoid some of the wrong words I used in the wrong situations. Able to avoid some of the bad choices I made.

It was really really so bizarre. And it felt so real at the same time. But ultimately, towards the end of my dream, things did end up different, but not any better. I'd rather have been living my original life, than this life of knowing exactly what the future holds. Those regrets which I held, which I managed to undo when given a second chance, did not turn out any better this time.

Some things just... happen. And you have to be grateful they happen. To be where I am now... after experiencing that dream, I have to say that I am grateful to be here. Things that 'could have been' or 'could have happened' that I was subconsciously regretting... All of that came out last night. I was almost grateful to have woken up, it wasn't a nightmare, but the dream just didn't feel right. It was downright freaky.

And the strangest thing was the reality and depth of the dream. I remember every person, every incident, every expression. I remember everything. The first person I talked to, the first question the teacher asked, some of my earlier decision I'm still questioning, like not running for Student Council. I kept thinking, how different would things have been if I did go for it? Or if I was closer to some of my classmates before they left?

At the end of it, I guess some things are best not known. I don't want to speculate any more on what the past 'could' have been, but I need to live in the present and look towards the future.

And Then There Were 22

2010-06-13T23:32:00.002+08:00

Blogging late into the night after receiving shocking news. My classmate is taking up the JPA scholarship to UNITEN. First of all, I really enjoy having her in my class as she's the very kan-cheong kind of character, always fussing and emo-ing about marks, homework and stuff. Very fun to bully her. And of course, she's the inspiration when I just don't feel like doing any work. I think of her and I know I have to get the butt of my chair and do work.

She takes notes for everything, even during a talk, I saw her taking a full page of notes. My notes didn't even fill up my A6 paper.

In all my years of studies, I have never seen anyone as hardworking as her. With the books she borrows from the library, I'm surprised she doesn't have sizeable biceps yet. Look at all mountains of notes she takes. And she completes basically every Accounting exercise there is.

Well this post is meant to be dedicated to you, a hard worker, an honest student, a kind friend. Thank you for makan-ing with me that day I had to stay back for dinner. I was so scared I'd have to eat alone that day haha. You're really an inspiration, the amount of blood, sweat and tears you put into your work. If you keep this up, you're sure to succeed someday.

I would have done this like my previous classmate's post, but ahah nevermind la kesian you. Wanted to blab about something else too today, but this takes prime importance. So yeah you should be honoured. Haha.

All the best in your future endeavors. See you around. =)

Sem 1 is OVER

2010-06-11T16:49:00.003+08:00

Thinking Skills = Holding back
Economics = Relaxed ride
Math = Thriller
Accounts = Roller-coaster of emotions

That sums up Semester 1's exams. Urrgh been staying up till like 1 every night, not studying but playing games and the such. Thank God I've already prepared for exams before this, because I just could not get it in my head to study this week.

Still, Further Math class tomorrow. It's not really a holiday. Doing summation, better do some revision tonight. My Further Math test is gonna be after the holidays, so hmmm in truth the exam's not really over yet. Killer wave is yet to come.

And one thing I seriously hate about Taylor's exams. I don't know if this happens elsewhere too.

WHY CAN'T WE PEE DURING THE FIRST PAPER? You can see the look of suffering on everyone's faces as they suppress their bladders. Paper 1 can usually be completed waaaay within the time limit, leaving time for peeing but we're not allowed to leave till paper 2 begins, and paper 2 is usually completed just in time so we're scared to use those 2 minutes to go and pee. Any idea how heartsick it feels to pee for two minutes, come back, and at the end, realise you could have 'finished' that last answer if you just had 2 minutes more?

Suffering I tell you. Sitting in that freezing cold classroom, feeling your pee slowly turning to ice, hoping it doesn't solidify before you finish the paper.

Sorry for the crude descriptions haha but that's what was on my mind the whole week. I had to 'strategise' my water intake, limiting it at certain hours so I know I won't need to pee so soon, and plan my seating not to be in the direct puffing of the air-cond, and run to the washroom just before the paper begins, ahh. It was a battle not for my brain, but for my bladder.

And I emerged triumphant today. I 'held it' till 12! Ahahaha. Whereas day 1 I needed to go by 9:30.

When there's a will, there's a way.

1 More Week

2010-06-01T19:11:00.002+08:00

Exams are NEXT WEEK. I feel ermm... knowledgeable enough to face the exams (thanks to CONSISTENT STUDYING. YES, CONSISTENT STUDYING) but ohhhman Accounts is really scaring me. 90 marks in 90 minutes? 1 mark = 1 minute? How la hooowww to finish in time? Urrrgh.

But ah well today's an awesome day. I completed part of my Math homework, got full marks on Thinking Skills, and the best part is, I did pretty well on Euclid! 74 marks, really happy about that haha. I thought I was going to fail or something.

Just wanna say, you guys don't know how much you inspire me to work hard man. I'm actually doing my homework weih. My sexy sexy PB2 classmates, haha thank you for having high regards for me academically, even though I actually don't know anything, but I make the effort to live up to it so I can help you guys. For once in my life, I actually feel 'prepared' for an exam. It feels so nice not being so stressed the week before exams, knowing that you have put in continuous work.

On Sunday, went to Mid Valley for a talk on getting into Oxford, Newcastle and Imperial. It wasn't really that informative, but I felt so inspired to y'know, be up there somewhere someday, somehow. I'm tired of being trapped in this cycle of poverty, just can't wait to break free and see the world. It feels like I haven't really started living yet. I know next year is going to be a hell of an exciting year, and I really can't wait to finish A-Levels and get out there.

Just feel somehow, that I still have so much to learn, do and experience. I am really happy where I am now, but I know that I can achieve more. It's not about being someone I'm not, but in maximising my own potential, in doing something all the way, seeing it to completion, and to look back and see how far I've come.

The future has never been so foggy, but yet so clear. I already know what I want to do in life, the question is: how will I get there? Sometimes I pity those people who don't have a clue what they actually want, or when their parents oppose their choices in life. When I look at them, I just feel like saying 'you poor, poor soul.' I guess I am privileged in quite a few ways, just hope that I will make full use of every opportunity that comes my way.

Glee Deficit

2010-05-27T22:04:00.003+08:00

I forgot my belt today, and I was basically physically holding up my pants all day. Kinda hard when you're running round Taipan and then Summit with stuff in your hands.

Finally had Subway today, and it cannot even fill 27.3% of my stomach mann. At the cost of RM7.50 that's simply not worth it.

And... and... some people stalk my blog omgosshhh. EH HELLO DON'T HAVE TO QUOTE MY OWN WORDS IN CLASS OKAY? Treat everything here as private and confidential, or I will consider privatisation of my blog.

It's been a loong looong week, haven't slept before 12 any day this week and I don't think today will be an exception. But it's kinda worth it, nice going to college with that warm fuzzy knowledge that you've completed your homework. I actually did my homework this week! Gimme a 5!

I also realised that I have some OCD when it comes to Ringgit or Dollars. Seriously. I just can't stand people quoting prices in 'Dollars', I'd then ask whether it's US dollars, Australian dollars or Sing dollars. I know it's irritating, but I can't help myself. Why can't you say Ringgit when you mean Ringgit? Please be just a little more patriotic.

The worst was my dad, over here he says 'Dollars', but when we went to Singapore, he was asking prices in Ringgit. Straightaway the shopkeepers know we're Malaysian, and you know how Sings generally look down on Malaysians as their oh-look-you-got-a-big-piece-of-land-but-didn't-manage-to-do-anything-with-it-haha-we're-way-ahead counterparts. Aiyooo so embarassing, I wanted to dissolve into the ground.

American Idol is over and Lee won... NOOO. Ever since David Cook, my favourites haven't been winning. Crystal should have wonnnn. What is this... And there isn't even Glee tonight to cheer me up. EMO...

New Wallet =P=P=P=P=P

2010-05-24T21:28:00.002+08:00

THANK YOU PB2 for the wallet and T-shirt!!! And um, recyclable bag. You got me exactly what I needed man, did you read my mind? Thank you thank you thank you. You're really the awesomest class ever and I know everyone out there is jealous. Haha.

After college today, went to Pyramid with CASE. One of the rare times when we all are together. We watched SHREKKK 4. AWESOME SHOWWW. I LOVE IT MAN. SOO MEANINGFUL MAN. It's definitely not as good as Shrek 1, in fact not many shows are ever as good as Shrek 1, but this was still freakin' awesome.

Once again, lots of work to do, can't stay.

230

2010-05-23T22:35:00.003+08:00

I'm sick!!! Whoever falls sick on their birthday?

Haha. Anyways thank you ALL for all the wishes, whether it came 6 days in advance (a certain Angelica) or right on the dot of 12 o'clock. Would LOVE to reply all of u personally on Facebook, but yeah. Lots of work due tomorrow, I had to give my cousin tuition earlier today, went to church, couple'a shopping malls for my b'day, and when I wasn't doing all that, I was busy being sick. So yeah.

Thank you for making this a memorable birthday, I believe I got what I wanted, didn't get ANY materialistic thing this year AT ALL (except for money from mom & dad) but I feel inspired to be someone who will make an impact in the people around me. Thank you for the heartfelt wishes and messages, I hope I really was a good friend to you, and will continue to be one.

I'm a little sad today because someone's leaving, and I didn't really get a chance to say a proper goodbye. If you're reading this, I just want you to know what a blessing and an inspiration you are to me, to be brave and stand strong in whatever situation, to stand up when something's not right, to have a purpose in life and to stand for the friends around you. You are really one of the most selfless people I've ever met, and I sincerely appreciate every moment with you. I'm sorry, knowing that I haven't always been there for you the way you've been there for me.

It's late, slept late last night, so tonight especially being sick I gotta hit the sack early. Nitesss.

And oh oh! Even though I didn't reach 235, I reached 230! Woohoo!

229

2010-05-22T23:00:00.004+08:00

I just had my tetanus jab today. Wooow. My right arm feels like... an arm. Yeah. A slightly swollen arm.

I can't can't can't believe I'm finally turning 18 tomorrow. I used to wonder, how would I feel, who would I be at 18. Now I suppose I have the answer.

At 18, I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Taken from Natalie's FB. ^.^

At 18, I'm living to defy the odds. Where people say I can't, that it's impossible, I have proven them wrong time and time again. Not by my own strength, as I realised time and time again over the past year, but by God's grace. Haha. At this point I'm recalling what Albert Ling said, "He's awesome because of the Holy Spirit... eh no this doesn't mean he's totally stupid" or something to that effect. Random-ing.

At 18, I learned that I sometimes have a right to get angry, to get upset. God didn't make me to be a slave to others. I have to learn to rise up and stand out when the situation demands it, and not just let people walk all over me.

At 18, I discovered that people don't always get what they originally wanted in life. At the end of the day, so many people live with regrets, of what 'could have been', despising where they are at right now and wishing they could go back. I know that I have to make the best of everything I have, and this period is crucial in my life, this is the time where dreams are either achieved, or crushed like Buncho pencil lead on the floor.

At 18, I learned that there really is that group of people out there who is willing to be there for you. To share happy times with you, and sad times too. I've been looking in the wrong places all this time. And truly, throughout the past year, you all have really made me feel so utterly blessed. Thank you, PB2, Taylor's CF, SMKSU's CF, my AWESOME college teachers, school teachers, and everyone in my life who's really really touched me.

At 18, I realised that over time, separation must surely come. No one lives forever, so physically, you can't be with someone forever. People flit in and out of life, and what we should do is to catch hold of something good, which is the reason the person was in your life in the first place, before saying goodbye to the person. Life is an interconnected web, like it or not, we all affect each other in some way or another.

And,

At 18, I realised that it's not so great being 18. Age is just a number. I pray that when I'm 50, I'll feel the same way that I feel when I'm 18. That is, just looking forward, and not spending much time reminiscing on my past. Knowledge of the past is good, but what's more important is planning for the future.

Today I'm posting on another prized memento I keep on my study desk.
This card was given to me last year by SU's CF. It is really soo soo beautiful, it's handmade and you can see the effort that went into it. Especially the pop-up Joyce and Jeremy. >.<

I really am utterly sooo grateful to the CF. Without it, I wouldn't be here today. The fellowship... kept me going when I was down, picked me up when I fell down behind, made me feel so accepted. So loved.

These 3 years in the CF, I have met so many people, had so many wonderful experiences, had so many amazing opportunities. Where I doubted myself, there was always someone to say, "You can do it! By God's grace!"

Really really want to thank you, each and every person in CF. Both SMKSU and Taylor's.

It's half an hour to my 18th. I don't intend to stay up. Life goes on whatever age you are, and I still have the intention of finishing up Math homework tomorrow. Nights.

228

2010-05-20T19:23:00.005+08:00

Whoah. I got 18/20 on Econs case study test. Crazy. The strange thing is, I was the first to hand it in because I was rushing in order to attend a CF meeting. C-R-A-Z-Y. When I got my paper back, I was seriously like O.o

Nehemiah 8:10 Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

And and I got 26/31 for Math. I'm happy =P because I only couldn't do 1 question worth 5 marks, so I actually got everything else correct. I was stressing about it the whole weekend omgosh. What a relief.

I found out that some people 'stalk' my blog. What do you expect to find here? Someone said he's here just to find out juicy stuff about me. Haha. TOO BAD. I'm not gonna spill anything here.

This is post number 229, and I am 6 posts away from reaching 235 on 23.5. I could have achieved that target if I had blogged every day this week, but I just didn't have anything to blog about. As Ronan Keating said, you say it best, when you say nothing at all.

This number thus far, 228, also includes unpublished posts, which is lots and lots so yeah. In case you took the time to count every one of my posts here, it won't reach 228. Some are for my personal consumption. ^.^

But yeah I thought, I'm turning 18. Now's a good time to reflect on my life. These few posts till 235 are going to be about some of my most prized possessions. Not gold and all that stuff la. Just some stuff I amassed over the years, from different people and places.

Post 229 is about:
Cross stitch from Priya. One of the sweetest gifts I've ever gotten. Look at the effort and thought that went into it. It's sitting on my study desk right now, where I can see it every day. ^.^

Haha I'll miss those times last year sitting in Form 4 accounts tuition, crapping with Priya until Mrs Lee gets so fed-up. We can really come up with a lot of crap together hahaha. Alaaa why did you stop taking Accounts? Class became so boring since you left. I need noisy people to hang around with.

Thanks for being an awesome friend. Come to Taylor's! To crap some more. Haha.

Escape

2010-05-17T21:16:00.003+08:00

How can one feel so alone when there are 6 billion people in the world?

This has gone on for a very long time now, and I so desperately want a break. I don't know how I can feel lonely when I'm in a room surrounded by people, not just random people but some of my closest friends.

I don't know why I feel lonely when I'm sitting with someone on a park bench having a heart-to-heart conversation.

I don't know why I feel unwanted while having a nice dinner with my family.

Is it just me? I don't know what's going on. I need someone right now, someone to hold me, and shake me up a little. Pastor Nirhal said, the world is unfair, so deal with it. I'm really really trying to. I'm trying my best to keep myself up, to look forward to something, but at this point in time... I really don't know what is going on with me. I feel like just going away this weekend, I need a break away from everyone. I don't feel like going to college tomorrow.

I want to be at the beach right now, watching a sunset, with no one else around. I just want to hear the sound of the waves lapping against the shore, the sound of birds in the sky, but otherwise, total silence. I want to be able to just stare at the sunset, and not worry about anything around me, I just want to be one with nature.

I want to run into the ocean and soak myself, without a care in the world. I want to look up and see the stars illuminate the night sky as the sun disappears over the horizon. I want to lie there, on the sand, in the darkness of the night with moonlight bathing over me. I want a nice night's rest without worrying about people, assignments, and every other matter.

I can't, I can't live like this. Let me get away from it all, just for a moment.

A Little Box

2010-05-13T21:23:00.003+08:00

A place in this world.

I've been wondering about this lately. I'm sure you've heard the phrase 'jack of all trades, master of none'. I don't want to spend the rest of my life being the 'good student', 'all-rounder' kind of thing. I want a place where I belong.

Glee is so inspirational. A group made up of: a school jock, a female dog, a fat girl, a wheelchair fella, a lack-of-hormones dude, a scandalous teacher, wow! And they all come together for the one thing that unites them: singing. People from all sorts of backgrounds, being able to ermm bond because they have something in common.

Watching all those US show, you can see the 'status quo' system, the nerds sit together, jocks, cheerleaders, bullies, yeah they're segregated and stuff, but they belong. Nerdboy belongs with the nerds, and they stick up for him when something happens to him. Nerdboy knows which table he can sit with during lunch period. Nerdboy knows who to call when he's organising a umm... ummm... Chemistry appreciation party.

Where do I belong? I keep feeling like I'm neither here nor there. Sometimes I think the problem is me, I feel like I myself am holding back something, but I don't know what it is. Like floating college classes, I don't like this 'floating' feeling.

Yeah yeah, go ahead and call this an emo post once again. No it's not la. I'm not in a state of distress or anything. I'm just wondering when I'll settle down.

I love piano but I'm not good at it. Is the music club for me? Similarly I love squash, I love debate, but I don't really seem to have found a niche in anything. I've always felt like a triangular peg in a hexagonal hole.

Sometimes, that's a good thing. I'm open to new experiences and challenges. I don't get comfortable in any one place so I'm exercising my butt off fitting in. I still remember Chooi Si telling me to 'get out of my little box' but I feel I don't really have a box, or a comfort zone. The only 'box' I'm in is perhaps shyness and timidity. May I overcome this soon.

Lao Tze Loves Rice

2010-05-11T22:56:00.004+08:00

I just read Darren's FB post, and yeahhh only now it sinks in... 11 years and 5 months of Moral Education is FINALLY OVERRR. All the teleological, deontological, intrinsic, religious stuff, all overrrr!! That is if I pass, of course. Haha.

And... I finally got full marks for an Accounts test. AT LAST MAN. I feel so happy I'd actually scan in my paper... but the scanner isn't on the same floor as my com right now. How inconvenient. I don't have the chance to gloat. Assume it's because of my humility.

I have lots to say, but at the same time, I have nothing to say. I'm sure you've felt that before. Ah well, I'm just gonna turn in now. No reason to stare at this screen, searching for something to write.

Before I sleep, I need to immortalise this: Lao Tze Ai Da Mi.

May Again

2010-05-03T18:19:00.003+08:00

When I thought life could not get any crazier, it did.

It is now May, I'm almost 18, and I'm happy to say that I'm living life, even though I'm not always loving it. Life is more worthwhile when you're living it with a purpose, that purpose drives you, motivates you, inspires you to achieve, even when the going gets tough.

Sometimes I wish that I could have an ordinary life. An ordinary waking up time, an ordinary college day, come back at the ordinary time, have an ordinary weekend at an ordinary mall, have ordinary friends, go to an ordinary university, have an ordinary job... Sometimes things get so stressful, you wonder 'why am I doing this in the first place?' I am an ordinary boy, and naturally I like doing ordinary things.

I'm not born extraordinary in any way, I have an average human IQ, thank you very much, and I actually have to STUDY to get good results in Economics. Sometimes people around me tell me that there's no point in trying so hard, because someday we're ALL going to university and getting a degree and then there's no difference between one who tries hard and one who doesn't. Sometimes I myself wonder, what's the point of all this?

I'm writing this post without an actual answer. I KNOW it is good to do well in whatever you do, but sometimes... Sometimes you wonder if people take notice. Would eye service suffice? As long as I get the marks, would it be ok if I cheat on exams? Especially if no one knows, not the teacher, not my friends. Can my conscience handle that?

This year, for my 18th birthday, I really want maturity, strength and courage. Things I have been seriously lacking in. All my birthdays, I have wanted money, or stuff, or even just a thought.But this time, I think it's the inner development that's important. There's no use having all the riches of the world without knowing how to spend it. There's no point living to be a 100 when you realise you've done nothing substantial in your life. What's the use of having opportunities when you don't seize them?

I'm walking down that journey of discovery today.

Finally

2010-04-28T18:59:00.009+08:00

I finally got full marks for a Math test! *Hops around room*

So frustrating being just 1 or 2 marks shy of full marks, thank you God!!! And for today's Thinking Skills test which I found out about 3 minutes before it began, I got 14/17 thank God too wei.

Awanis... is no longer in PB2... the day felt so different... I'll miss her blur/shocked face when she finds out there's a test, I'll miss her constant moaning about not getting scholarships, I'll miss seeing her get so engrossed in her iPhone, I'll miss that time she tripped in LT1, and she was so embarrassed she ran into the ladies'. I'll miss having to decide on a 'halal' restaurant for her sake, basically I'll miss her.
Now PB2 only has 23 students. GAHH. 23 AGAIN.

No, the thing is, it's a prime number so it's hard to divide us up when there's group work and stuff. Gahhh.

AWANISSS. This post is for you. In remembrance of you, I shall link up your blog (which I read muahaha). Waliao feels like someone died or something. AWANIS I'LL MISS YOU AND SORRY FOR NOT GETTING TO KNOW YOU BETTER MAY WE MEET IN UK SOMEDAY. =P

12 JANUARY - 27 APRIL 2010
L.I.P (Live In Peace)
NURUL AWANIS
YOUR MEMORY LIVES ON IN PB2 FOREVER

5k

2010-04-27T20:36:00.003+08:00

Post number 222. Maybe I should time post number 235 to coincide with my birthday. ^.^

Oh and I just realised the first 3 prime numbers are 2, 3 and 5.

Well, today was the Taylor's Awards Ceremony, and I got RM5k from the Principal's Awards. =P So um ahh... I shall not comment on the event.We had to sit according to our categories, so for me I had to be with the Principal's Awardees (Is there such a word?) and when I found that out I was like O.o Almost everyone I knew was at the 1k awards ceremony, and those I knew were all Loy awardees. But woohoo I spotted a familiar face there, my Standard 6 classmate!

Haven't seen her since Standard 6 mann. Had an awesome time catching up with her, finding out and sharing what happened since our parting of ways after primary school. And ohhhh she made me miss primary school so much... The games we used to play, jadi-jadi, ice and water, police and thief, hopscotch, mother hen... Arrgh such fond memories.

It was very pleasant talking to her, but at the same time I feel a bit scared. All that seems so far behind, and I feel... old? I'm almost 18 now, and I wonder if I have truly made the most of every moment of my life thus far. Or am I getting old(er) in vain?
I looked at Shiro playing this afternoon, and it suddenly struck me, he's not going to be a puppy forever. One day he'll be grown up. One day, he'll be grandpa puppy, well not biologically, cos' my parents would definitely not let him have kids, but yeah. He'll probably be suffering from poor eyesight, poor appetite, and arthritis or some other weird doggy disease.

And so will I! Not the doggy disease part la. I'll have humanny diseases. But yeah I have gone through stages I never will go through again, I'm not going to be a small boy again, I'm not going to be a teenager again. At this point, the phrase "carpe diem", seize the day, is ringing like crazy in my ears. Some people say you're only as old as you act, but even if you act young, face it la, you're never going to be a 7 year old cute little boy knocking over supermarket aisles. If you DO attempt it, someone's probably going to sue your adult diapers... ahem, pants off.
I think primary school life was probably the best part of my life thus far, even better than secondary. Not so much the experiences, I also have a lot of bitter and painful memories, in fact, many more than in secondary school, but what I learned in primary. It wasn't just about studies. I had a lot of 'issues' back then and being so young, the teachers actually try to guide you, I learned life lessons I have never forgotten, I remember the caring faces, the teachers who wanted me not just to do well in exams, but to grow up to be a good person. I am forever grateful to them, though they may not remember me anymore.
Hmm I actually typed more here, but I'm too embarassed to post it up. >.< I'm not thinking right! Aih too much work boggling my mind.

Still enjoy it, keeps my mind off other things.

I just finished some designs for the Business Club, took so much of my brain juices I think it's a pity if I don't post it up here. Hey I'm proud of my own hard work ok?

Nature

2010-04-24T22:23:00.002+08:00

Meeting with the WWF representative was pretty cool, went down to Bangsar with Winnie and Jasyn, taxi fare cost us RM8. Soooo worth it. No need to jog down to the train station and all.

Went to eat in Fish & Co. in Bangsar Village... mmm! So yummy. Jasyn learned a new word: Sky Juice. I'm so proud of youuu! Hahaha. I shared with them my tip on ordering: when the food costs less than RM10, it's called 'plain water' or 'kuan shui shit' (ok I don't know how else to pinyin-ise 'ice') and when it's more than RM10, it's known as 'Sky Juice'.

The event was pretty cool, haha recycled paper making: reminds me of my Standard 6 days... was it? I think it was Pn. Siti Senja who made us do the mashed paper thingy... woman doing it was FRUSTRATED haha. Oh and there were these cool like... animal skins kinda thing. Like, the real skin placed over a model so it looks like the real animal. But I really feel so bad for the animals la. Sure they are... immortalised, in some demented kind of way, but figurines like these remind you how terrible it'll really be if those animals really go extinct. Like, you'll only be looking at these animals in museums like... that. What's the point of a flying squirrel if it doesn't fly?

Well we had a short discussion with the representative... and we met Alam. ALAM. From SYTYCD! I'm like... jakun-ing, because I actually followed the season, yeah Malaysia boleh! And wow to see him in person is so... soo... incredible haha. But no, I did not ask for autographs and no I did not ask for a picture with him. I'm just not that big of a fan la. Now if I met Gemma Artenton, that'll be a different story. Haha.

Later, my family went to Damansara, and we got...

jeng jeng jeng...

jeng jeng jeng...

jeng jeng je... aih lazy la.

We got, A PUPPY!!!!

Woots!

That's it for today's post, sis wants to sleep. I'm in her room >.< Bye bye!

Remember the Date

2010-04-23T19:26:00.004+08:00

OH! OH! OH! TODAY THE 23rd OF APRIL, I HAVE ACHIEVED ONE OF MY LIFE AMBITIONS! I PLAYED THE KEYBOARD IN WORSHIP TODAY! WOOOHOOO!

I will never forget today, man. Thank you God.

I have always been the one in the crowd, or the one pressing the 'down' button for slides, but today was my first time up there... and it doesn't feel any different. As in, you don't get any sense of pride from being up there, you don't know whether people are looking at you or listening at you, the only thing on your mind at that point is playing the right keys because you want to give God your very best.

In the beginning I had trouble finding the chords and stuff, my mind was so cluttered but after a while I was thought to myself, hey don't overthink too much. Learn to surrender. And I did, somehow, and while I'm no Mozart, it sounded better. I could relax more in my playing and 'lived' the moment a little bit. It felt awesome, to know this is my opportunity to offer up to God something which I love to do.

And this surrendering thing is something I've really had to learn to do in the past few weeks. I've been working till like 12 a.m., and the next day I would have a test which I haven't studied for. I'm usually dead tired by 12 so there's no point studying, I go straight to sleep. And the next day, I would be very tempted to skip prayer meeting, but nahh I know that I have to give my time to the things which are more important. Morning prayer is important ok. And, and somehow my results for the test will be like... whoaaa. I really don't believe that I myself can get those kind of marks.

Like, like... Differentiation and Integration are my weakest chapters in Math, but somehowww I got 28/31 and 28/30 or something like that for both topics. I'm like whooooaaaa. Haha. People are surprised, I'm even more surprised.

Past few days I've had to worry about designing. Harrh. Staring at Photoshop is not something I really enjoy doing. But well Taylor's Business Club is having a Raffles for Charity event so please support it! All proceeds go to WWF in aid of turtles and tigers!

Going down to Bangsar tomorrow for a meeting with a WWF representative. So exciting! ^.^

Haih I feel so bad for my debate comms, because I'm always not there for events and all. I have missed two committee meetings, a general meeting, and I can't make it for tomorrow's event. T.T I was supposed to help out at the Debate booth yesterday, but I was looking round and couldn't find it, I didn't know that the March orientation thingie was actually in MPH. No wonder there was music from there. >.<

At times I feel like such a dumb blonde. Haha.

Doosh

2010-04-19T22:48:00.002+08:00

ARRRGH. Every day is a superr long day in college, with meetings, assignments, tests, and when I reach home I don't even have time to soak my hairy legs in warm water and sigh 'ahhhh'.

Yes, yes, I know I signed up for this. And I'm happyy! Just tired, that's all. Haha. I WANT 30 HOURS IN A DAY. But I know that's not gonna happen. Unless I declare it myself la. 24 x 7 = 168, so now 168 divided by 30 is... 5.6 days a week. That means I have to take out my weekend. NOOO I want my Sundays. I'll keep to these 24 hours la. Haha.

And to think, today is just the first day after a week-long holiday. A-levels is STRESSFUL man. Don't take it unless you think white hairs are cool. And the money...ohhh the money. How it flows out the moment you step in college, no, the moment you step in SS15. Everything needs money man. No money, no food. And no air-cond for lunch. T.T

But I love it. Somehow. I'm demented. I can't believe I like not having a moment for myself. I complain a lot, but yeah secretly inside, I'd die if you were to tell me that class is cancelled for a month. I'd die if I didn't have any meetings to attend, or not have any stuff to do.

My class, especially, is really playing a huge role in keeping my spirits up each and every day. I dare you to enter this class and not even smile for 10 minutes. You'll explode I tell you. Even Math lesson, where Ms. Tee started off the year being so super serious and strict, is seriously lightening up. And the strangest thing is, I think we actually study better in this environment. Thanks to Ting's "debitors", I never ever misspelled debtors again. Haha.

And the CF. OH THE CF. Each week, I'm looking forward to either prayer meetings, Campus Revo, worship practice, or CF. Well, actually I'll be thinking of all of them on any given day. It keeps me going man, keeps me alive. Yea I go for worship practice even though I haven't been on a worship team before. I find it... therapeutic somehow. Food for my soul.

And the piano. OH THE PIANO. I SO WANT TO PLAY IT WELL. Why does my playing sound like the soundtrack of Frankenstein? Wait it doesn't sound that good. I'm still playing like a 7 year-old. And whoa being surrounded by all the pros. Sometimes I just feel like giving up, like whoa how am I ever going to get there? I'll probably have 20 kids, 50 grandkids and a partridge in a pear tree and I'll only be half as good as them. But still, it's such a beautiful instrument I can't give up on it now! Must tembok-ise my face and seek ways to improve!

It is LATE. I'm hitting the sack now. Byeeee.

*Dooosh!!! Doosh!!!* Whatttt? I'm hitting the sack what. LOL.

Faith

2010-04-11T21:59:00.003+08:00

Went through a few events recently that somehow affected how highly I think of my own abilities. Ok I'll be honest here, I do think that I am capable of achieving much, if I put my heart and soul into it, but recently I've been questioning: can I really? Is anyone capable of doing everything? Am I really that good at this? Or that?

Or am I just being a big fish in a small pond? A big, over-egoistic fish who thinks the world of himself... erm, I mean itself?

Okay, I don't have an ego, or at least that's what I think, but everyone's gotta have some confidence in their own abilities, right? Nothing wrong in that.

Still, I've felt my self-esteem slowly ebb away these past few weeks. You can get 10 good motivating comments, but it only takes one to pull you down. I've been thinking things through a tad too much, I've been doubting myself more than I know I should. I took some time out this weekend to prop myself back up, to refresh myself, and to find out who I really am.

Which made me realise one big thing: confidence is powerful. If you don't believe you can, you really can't. But if you just believe you can, you've already won half the battle. I'd imagine that Olympic athletes each have the confidence that they are awesome, they are fast, they are winners, and that is why they are what they are, the best in the world. The most gifted runner, if lacking the confidence, surely wouldn't do well.

William Hung, though lacking in talent, had the confidence, and he sure looks like one happy man today. Some people are just so full of themselves, and though that extreme is bad, I have to say that those people do look content with who they are, where they're at, and what they do. And most importantly, they're happy. No matter how badly the world criticises them, they can still look in the mirror each morning and be happy with who they are. Nothing will bring them down.

I'm thinking, isn't that great? To love that person staring back at you in the mirror? To appreciate who you are, and to be happy with what God has given you? To not be bogged down by bad comments, mean remarks, unnecessary criticism?

Of course, in all of this, I'm not talking about the extremes, okay? Not some Johnny Bravo who kisses his muscles and all... we're just talking about self-confidence here.

There's another word for that self-confidence, which is faith. Faith in yourself, faith in your abilities. Basically, faith.

Faith is believing without a doubt, trusting, having full confidence in something or someone. Faith in yourself is so powerful, what about faith in someone else? Faith in something that happens? The Law of Attraction says that you attract into your life what you think about. You think about it, you have faith in it, and bam the battle's half won. The greatest inventors, let's say Thomas Edison, tried and tried so many times and failed, and if he had given up any of those times, he wouldn't have invented the lightbulb. He surely would have believed that he would eventually get it right, or he wouldn't have bothered trying. Thanks to him, I don't have to type this in total darkness.

These were all my thoughts last night as I lay in bed thinking. And then I remembered this bible verse: Matthew 17:20. "He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Only now can I comprehend what this 'faith' could do.

I can place faith in myself, but I know, realistically, that I can't do everything. There are things which I simply cannot do. I can place my faith in a person, that they will always be there for me, but nobody lives forever. I can even place my faith in the fact that the sun will rise tomorrow, but as science even says, that is not a guarantee.

It seems most logical to me, to place my faith in the one thing that I know will never change. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Alpha and Omega. Beginning and the end.

At this point, I sound like some religion freak, but like wow. I just felt so at ease, so at peace, that someone was looking out for me. That I don't really have to worry about all these petty stuff, when there's something bigger and more awesome out there. I tell you, I seriously went to sleep sooo well that night, and I had the sweetest dreams I've had in the longest time. It seemed silly to worry about what people think of me, to worry about what to eat tomorrow, and I know that if I can just put my faith in God, everything will turn out beautifully.

Start of Hols

2010-04-08T17:51:00.002+08:00

First day of A-Levels hols... aren't you jealous, non-A-Level students? Muahaha.

Day started off with badminton with the awesome PB2. Bangang, need to pay for the court. But still, I'm so happy to play badminton, it's been a long long time since I've played racket sports. What's more, with PB2. Omgosh I just love love love my class so much. I actually feel sad that it's holiday time, that means I can't get to see so many of them for this 1 week +.

Sweated like crap during the 2 hour session. I feel healthier now. Then I needed to go to school to collect the LCCI form, collect a 'letter' and see Mr. Jacob, but dear classmates wanted to go makan. So poor me had to walk home and grab my bicycle to cycle to school. First time cycling to school, what an experience. I nearly died, again. Woohoo. *remember to break at the junction, dammit!* Cycling under the crazy hot sinaran mentari omgosh. My skin went three tones darker.

Met my teachers again, and had an awesome time sharing tales of college. Pn. Sherily said I grew taller. Mr. Jacob said I lost weight. Wow so many good comments in one day haha. Got the stuff I needed and CYCLED home again omgosh.

Muscles cramping from intensive badminton-ing, I just wanted to go home and die on the bed, but NO I had Further Math class. OMGOSH OMGOSH it's so fun. We did sketching of graphs of rational functions. Damn exciting. There were only two other fellas with me. One was, I think like me lorr blur blur and all. We had to do differentiation, the uv thing. Damn hard. But fun. The guy next to me, fuyooo when he saw the question he was straightaway like tak tak tak (calculator sound) and write write write, whereas me and the first guy were like... errr how to do?

And I thought Jasyn was fast.

It's day one of hols, I'm dead tired from today, there's lots of holiday homework and assignments to do, but I'm still in a state of euphoria.

Best student in English. OMGOSH OMGOSH OMGOSH. I'm so happy.

Inflation

2010-04-05T18:28:00.004+08:00

I just realised... isn't the Internet a dangerous place? Just when you thought you've seen the last of a person's nose in college, you go home and just wanna let it all out, whether it's good or bad, and the person can easily see everything you say. Nowadays with so many avenues of expression: blogs, MSN, Facebook... people are expressing themselves more and more, and we sometimes forget that everyone else can view it all.

But then, I don't really have to hide anything, and I don't post up explicit and spicy details of my life. So too bad for you. You picked the wrong person's blog to read if you're looking for tabloid material.

Then, I realised, that words on the Internet are flying about so incessantly, so nonchalantly, that the value of a word has dropped so much. I think this is what we call 'inflation'. LOL. I imagine that previously, when snail mail was the only way to communicate, people would thinkkkk super long before writing an alphabet, since there wasn't liquid paper and correction tape. And then they have to dip dip their funny feathery pen into the ink, then hope it doesn't smudge the paper, and make sure they write perfect cursive, and perfect English, because that's what they learnt in school. And they would begin their sentence with "And thou hath madeth..." And and the first letter they have to make it super stylo like:Ok la, I don't know which timeframe I'm talking about anymore, but yeaa you can't deny that because of over production, a word is so horribly worthless nowadays right? Sometimes you read someone's blog and you're like... what's he crapping about man? Going round and round, but ultimately there's no meaning to what he says.

We have a word for everything, when we trip we say S***, when we drop something we say oh F***, when we left something at home we go D***! No one seems to heed Ronan Keating's "You say it best, when you say nothing at all," anymore. Some people hold empty conversations with new acquaintances hoping they would accept their Facebook friend request later on. When someone is quiet, others would say the person is shy or even anti-social!

I talked to a very quiet person today. When I asked him previously, he said that he doesn't like to talk if there isn't a reason to talk. Today, I asked him a different question. I asked him, "How long have you spoken English?" And he said, four years. Before that he didn't even know ABC.

I've been speaking English for donkey's years now, so I suppose it's fluent already and when I open my mouth the words just spew forth. But for a new speaker of English, I suppose every word has to be carefully chosen. Is it the right word? The right pronunciation? For them, every word has an importance. Has a meaning. Because it hasn't been inflated due to overproduction.

Even in Chinese, I absolutely wouldn't dare to carelessly spew out words I don't know, otherwise I might accidentally say something that translates to "Your uncle married my cabbage." I suppose the moral I've learned from myself is not to quickly judge people who are quiet, and to be mindful of what comes out from my mouth.

Man what am I doing giving a speech to myself?

Well nyways, today is a glorious day for me. Wahaha. Got back three test results today, and I did pretty well for all three. Thank God. Especially Math. I was thinking DIE DIE DIE when I found I couldn't answer a 7-mark question. I got back my paper today: 28/30 OMG weih. Ms. Tee revised the weightage of the 7-mark question to 6, and I got 4 out of 6 for that, because my working was somehow correct till almost the answer. And to think that I didn't know how to do it at all, and was just writing random numbers down.

Oh oh and 46/50 for Accounts, 37/40 for Econs, and 12/18 for Thinking Skills. Well I'm quite happy with how I did in Thinking Skills because strengthening and weakening arguments is horribly difficult to me. Well I'm awfully happy with how things have gone today, thank you Jesus! Believing for a better day tomorrow! Nights.

Happy 18th

2010-03-30T22:00:00.002+08:00

It is the night before you turn 18. I can't believe I've known you since I was 7, you are truly a fearsome, noisy and talkative tigress. But underneath that, you have a heart of marshmallows and candy. Basically I mean that you're soft and sweet.
Thank you for everything, just want you to know how much you mean to me as a friend, thank you for the honest and deep conversations we had, though few and far apart. You are one of the really really few people I know I don't have to pretend anything in front of.

Enjoy this one step closer to your deathbed, and the white hairs and wisdom it brings. May you find the hot Korean husband you've been craving for, and may good things come your way all the days of your life.

From my last post, I realised that I like my blog to have pictures and not just words. I'll post up a pic from Facebook despite your protests.
EH TANGGACHI LET'S GO KL AGAIN.

2010-03-29T18:27:00.006+08:00

Did you know... research shows that it takes 21 days to form a new habit? It has been exactly 21 days, or three weeks since that that Leona Lewis day lol. It is a pretty big thing to me, because that was the time I felt really really down from all the pressures of college (yeah I know the worst is yet to come) and I was totally like... urrgh.

After college that Monday three weeks ago, I just wanted to go straight home and emo in the corner, but I somehow forced myself to attend Campus Revo. Thank God for Winnie, it was her first time going and if I ffk-ed her (it's read fong-fei-kei, not f***, fyi) she'd definitely be emo with me. So that was a motivating factor.

I learnt that night, how to let go and let God. I just realised that for my SPM results, the subjects that I totally gave up on and said, "God there's no way I can do this, please help me," I scored; and those subjects where I was so busy cramming and stuff, I didn't do that well. Maybe God is like, since you think you can do it by yourself, go ahead then. It's not a challenge, it's more that we feel that we don't need God so he feels paiseh to help us lo.

Even in things that you're good at, don't just trust your own abilities, because even if you ARE some kind of genius, the circumstances around you might just play against you. No, no, it's not that God is testing you, rather it's the Devil at work. I truly believe that even as there are good forces working around us, there's bad forces going against us, and we just gotta resist that.

I've had an awesome college life ever since the Leona Lewis day la haha. I've learnt to consciously think of things positively, to have faith even when things seem impossible, and to live each day declaring God's mercy and love will pull me through. It's exactly 3 weeks now, and I hope that it has truly become a habit. I was really challenged in the last few days, and my faith was stretched a lil' but I pulled through! Everything went SUPERB today. We got full marks for Moral presentation weih. Just that we need to redo the creative work. And and my RM50 tak kena bakar. wooohoo

So tomorrow is a new challenge as I try to start a new habit: one of completing things I start. I'm sick and tired of procrastinating, of leaving stuff halfway. That's gonna change. I don't want to leave things 'for later' any more. Pray for me yeah.

My blog is super super wordy. I feel quite bad for that, because I myself easily get bored reading wordy wordy blogs, so if you stayed with me till here, this is your reward.
I used to be into designing. Got some natural talent for it from my mom lol.^.^ This is a design I did for Taekwondo last year AND I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN RM20 HALF THE PRIZE MONEY FROM YOU EDWIN. I'm still proud of this haha, took me weeks to figure out what to put on a Taekwondo T-shirt.This is one I did for SU CF but I never really showed anyone lol. Now I see it, and I think it's quite wasted lar if anyone wants it please please take it LOL. Urrgh but the words are super lame lar. I got no ideas.
And this is a logo for SU CF that I did this year. Actually the reason I posted these up here is that I feel quite sad lar looking at them rot in my hard drive. Please please if you want it then just take it and use it.

Today I saw someone wearing Subang Rally 08 shirt, the green one. That was my very first design lol. Well actually the pictures on the front were copied and pasted from Shaun but I did the back all by myself kay.LOL. I still remember... erm who was it again? Was it Sarah? Hmm erm erm I forgot. Yea but she called me bout the back, because you remember the white outlines around the bible verse? She said it didn't stand out against the background, so we needed to do something else... so I added a white outline around it and it looked SO much better. Yea I know that's a small thing but it made her happy and everyone happy and I guess that's what got me interested in doing more. Yaa I did my blog header too^.^

Today I feel like these hands are just sitting idle and I feel so sad for them lar. Some people have asked me to design quite a few things but I'm having a hard time jump-starting my brain juices. Maybe it's time I really pray and desire for it to get flowing again.

Growing

2010-03-28T21:52:00.002+08:00

One thing which I feel that I am challenged to do is in being consistent. Definitely, life has its ups and downs, but as the verse goes, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", we can't be flip floppish people who sing praises when life is kind on us, and cry in the corner when things are tough. The strongest people are those who can smile even in the worst situations.

Kinda a few things that I've been worrying about over the weekend, not gonna share it here. I'm telling myself to push it to the back, there's nothing I can do right now, but it's still nagging there in the corner of my head. God is telling me, let it go! It's gonna be alright! It concerns a pretty large sum of money to me, so I can't help worrying about it. Trying my best not to! ahaha.

Well, many awesome things also happened to me over the week. For one thing: YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT. I've grown! Vertically not horizontally. Or that's what people are saying. Suddenly they're like, eh how come you seem talllller...? I'm so happyyyy! I hope that's true. Growth spurt at 17/18? Could it really happen to me? My body has been aching the past few days, could this be the reason? People say it's a slight growth la, but still it makes me soooo happy. ^.^

And and and I've fallen in love more and more with the piano. Thursday I had the chance to see Natalie in action on the piano and I feel I've learnt a lot from the 1 hour plus staring at her fingers dancing across the ivory keys. My mom says my playing's not bad. ^.^ And I've started trying to accompany songs, and some of them sound decent! Yay improvement.

I'm soooo grateful for Positive. On days when I've finished eating but too lazy to walk back to college and while my 1 hour plus (Business studies class) alone in the Lecture Theatre, I have a new hangout: Positive. ^.^ Sooo relaxing there, and got people to bug too.

And and and my library book isn't overdue!! Whee. Cos' I borrowed it on a Saturday two weeks ago, and today in church i was like... duuude. It's more than two weeks already right?! Is my book overdue! Super kancheong-ing but when I got home and checked it's due on Monday. Weekends not included gua. Praise the Lord!^.^

My weekends are even shorter now that I'm starting to tutor my cousin. He got 0 for Add Maths WTHHHH MEMALUKAN MY FAMILY ONLY but that's gonna change very soon wakakaka. Today went to church and then to Mid Valley, came back to tutor him, then went out to cycle while jaga-ing sis and Vyona who went to play badminton. Came back late evening and I'm like... ohhhman Accounts test and Moral presentation tomorrow!!! And I left my Accounts textbook in college. Oh well. I'll do my best anyways.

Hmhm. I think I've had a pretty eventful week, the body aches are coming back. Need to sleep early. And grow!!! Come on, body, grow grow grow! wheeeee

Smooth

2010-03-24T17:35:00.002+08:00

Man am I SO happy today. My Thinking Skills presentation went really well today, I didn't freeze up at all! I finally got my NS letter, too, WOOHOO! I've already started college so I'm obviously not going for NS, but I feel so relieved that I'm in the 2nd batch, unlike a certain poor, poor soul who was assigned 3rd batch. *ahem* It makes me feel like the government appreciates me *sniff* PRINCESS HALIZA CAMP, SEPANG! A place I'll never visit, but oh well it sounds kinda nice.

And and and Cambridge actually replied to my email! Well not really THE Cambridge, it was the admissions office. But still... you can smell the UK air from the email. Well yeah it advised me to take Further Math but it's a lil' too late for that lar, I've already made up my mind. But still, it confirms my unorthodox choice of subjects, so yeahhh! Let's ace this A-Levels!

And and and... I met with Mr. Karamjeet today and he's SO NICE! After everything Ben and Guang and all the random people said... he's sososososo nice man. I'm like so relieved. He even gave his number so we can call him if we got any problems. He's willing to give tuition, too, but at some universally exorbitant price. Still, it's an option.

Many many many small but meaningful things happened to me today, and I'm just so awfully inspired right now! Need an avenue to display my feelings right now. *squishes teddy bear* Ah well I've spent enough time on this post, now I should devote this extra energy to my studies.^.^

Hyper Mode

2010-03-22T19:39:00.002+08:00

I got 30/33 for Math! Woohoo! Highest in class. Thank God wei, I didn't do the homework for that. >.< Okok I know, I'll work harder in future.

Haha today started off... weird. SAM and ICPU are on hols, so prayer meeting was super super quiet today. By 7.45, there were only five of us, and Joshua hadn't showed up yet so I was like... whatever! Let's start! But I didn't know what to do. So we were all staring at each other, it was a-w-k-w-a-r-d. So I said let's have testimonies today! I felt hyper so yeah. Everyone was like... urrgh it's a Monday what's wrong with you?

So I felt I had to share again lar about my hyper-ness ever since my emo session exactly two weeks ago. Remember the Leona Lewis thing? Haha. It STILL inspires me man. On days where I just don't feel like waking up and going to college, on days where I want to complain about the workload, the words 'I Got You' just inspire me so much. Not to mention an assortment of Christian music to accompany my walk to college every day.

So nyways, I was really hyper in prayer meeting that I was actually vibrating. Like a solid state molecule or something. And erm Jennifer or something, I forgot nyways but I know her name starts with 'J' (woohoo! best alphabet ever) was sitting next to me as I was doing thinking skills and she was like... are you okay?

Haha. Nyways it's not just about Leona Lewis lar. I learnt in church to start each day with PRAISE! And to DECLARE it's a great day before it's even begun, and thank God for whatever's gonna happen. I think that's so awesome because it's like saying, 'God, no matter what happens today, it's by Your will and I'm gonna love it.' As you'd probably have heard, everything happens for a reason.

Today, exactly two weeks after emo day, I got 30/33 for Math! So cun man. And even if I get low marks, I'm not gonna feel down, but wanna work harder and do better.

There's this guy in the bible, forgot what his name is, mind telling me, anyone? But anyways, he was like some super blessed guy, he had a great family, he was rich and everything, and he was also very close to God lar. God was like 'yay! even though he's so successful he still remembers Me' and then the Devil was like 'Boo hoo! That's because he's having such a comfortable life! If you took away all that I'm sure he wouldn't have a reason to praise You'. So God was like, you really think so meh? Fine, you may take away everything he has, but not his life.

So the Devil took away his career, his family, and even his health (if I remember correctly) and the guy's life, basically was destroyed lar. I mean, dude your house collapsed on your family, everyone you know is dead, and you're blind in one eye and you have three fingers on your left hand, and you're using a wooden leg (I'm exaggerating abit) your life is over! But he was still faithful like WOW. He continued to praise God. So cun weih. The Devil took away everything until there was nothing left to take then finally said to God, fine you can have this guy. I give up!

Hmmm still feeling so awfully inspired today. Nice chat with Joey and Winnie after Campus Revo, which was really awesome. Campus Revo was awesome too! You could sense the sincerity in the atmosphere, and the passion to do something big.

Today, though, someone really hurt me real bad. I don't know if you even know how hurtful your actions were today. You've been acting this way the whole time, but this time I'm really really hurt. You're a good friend and all, but sometimes you just know how to complain about others without looking at yourself first.

I don't really know why I posted up that last paragraph here, but it's something that I just can't tell you face-to-face, because you won't take it seriously. Please, change. I don't want to lose another friend.

Stalked?

2010-03-19T18:35:00.002+08:00

I sat staring at this blank blogging area for a few minutes, decided I had nothing to write, closed the window, and then the guilt overcame me and I felt that I just HAD to put up a post. So I'll give it another shot.

I really thank God for everything that's happening in my life now, college has been going really well. Every morning I psych myself up by playing some worship songs and it really gives me that nitro boost to start the day, even as drowsy as I am. I've been getting good feedback from my teachers slash lecturers, and I really do put in the work. Something I promised myself to do.

This year, I don't know how well I will do, but God has been blessing me so abundantly in my studies all this time, that I know that I have to work doubly hard on my part, too. I have quit my habit of staring at the computer screen for hours, as you can see above, when I have nothing to do, I simply shut down the comp. Night time, more often than not, is study time.

My college buddies will be like... eh, biasa lah. But this is SO NOT ME. You didn't know me last year, k. Haha. I'm the paling pemalas person ever, my exercise books are virtually empty, I didn't hand in my BM essays for the whole year, heck I just realised I didn't hand in my Form 5 Add Math project AT ALL and I still got an A+ haha. One word to sum it up is PROCRASTINATING.

So now, I gotta change lar. My sights are set higher, I want A* in all subjects, yes, even Further Math even though I haven't started studying it formally. Currently, I'm stuck on polynomials cos' I don't have the book. Eesh.

Yesterday, Winnie was called up to play the keyboard for worship. I went along for fun^.^ No, because I really really miss worship. The reason I wanted to learn the piano is because I fell in love with worship as a Form 4 student pressing the 'down' button for slides every Friday for CF. So now to attend a worship practice after so long is so... exciting. It's just so different from an actual worship session where everyone already seems to have put everything together. When everything's so messy and all, it's fascinating to see how God comes into the picture when you're trying to play/sing your best music. Would you forget at times?

I'm really sooo sooo proud of Winnie. I know she doesn't read this blog haha. Wait. Rephrase that as I think she doesn't read this blog. The best stalkers always 'stalk' unseen. Yaa so anyway for her first year in CF she's so enthusiastic about serving, sooo unlike me who decided to emo during my first year a.k.a Form 3. And despite not knowing anything about playing for worship and not doing so well at the first practice, she still went ahead and practised at home and did really well today!

Woohoo for Winnie! Yay. Keep it up.

I heard that Taylor's stalks its students. And from what Mr. Chan shares with us, it's probably true. Who exactly is in this stalking team? The teachers? Janitors? Or Mrs. Ng herself? Maybe Ms. Marilyn, that's how she got to know my name?

Hello, are you a stalker from Taylor's? Are you reading this now? Hello and welcome to my blog.^.^

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Things

2010-03-16T18:08:00.002+08:00

Mrs. Mary Ng has agreed to open up a Further Math class if we can get 5 or 6 people to join... previously she said 15, but now it's lowered to an achievable target. Today we found person number 3 WOOHOO. But please pray that we can find the others, otherwise the cost of tuition-ing outside would be approx RM450/week. *yikes* Multiply that for all three semesters, let's say 75 weeks, and you get some crazy walaowei what-on-earth God-save-us astronomical sum. Far more than the tuition fees of 2k per semester.

Today is the first time I didn't attend Business Studies. I thought I'd feel really empty and all, but I put the time to good use studying Further Math. Moved on to Chapter 2 already, but haven't started on Mechanics yet. Man, I seriously feel smarter doing Further Math. Most of what we're doing in the other subjects is some kind of revision of Form 5, but Further Math is like another subject altogether.

Ms. Marilyn from Pre-U office now calls me by name. This despite me not telling her my name in the first place. I pop in and out of the Pre-U office so regularly that sometimes I have to see her three times a day. Gotten to know more people around college too. But it just doesn't seem like school, having spent like years and years together, you can name every single person you pass by in the corridors.

I've been on the net for some time now, time to get my butt off the chair and go study some Math.

Give Thanks

2010-03-15T22:25:00.002+08:00

Thank God for today.

I've been keeping my new practice of thanking God for each day first thing in the morning, announcing that it's gonna be a great day because I got a Saviour that loves me and won't let bad things happen to me. No matter what happens, thank God anyway for standing by me.

And He truly has, it's so amazing.

I got 17/20 for Moral, highest in the lecture theatre, damn happy weih. Ms. Patma already hinted that it was me last week, and I so badly wanted it to be me, because I want to get into the 'safe zone' for Moral as soon as possible so that I can concentrate on other subjects.

Who am I kidding? I want to get A+ for Moral too. I guess I am a perfectionist.

Today I asked Frank to pray for my pimple-ish tiny dot on my face that doesn't really seem like a pimple and I don't know what it is. Well he did, and now it's a little smaller. ^.^ Praise the Lord.

Many other things have gone well today too, I'm glad that some things in my life have been resolved today. It's an extremely happy happy day for me, not saying that it's the happiest day of my life, because I'm sure God has planned many more happier days for me.

Further Math, I'm almost done with the summations chapter. WOOHOO! Chapter 1 went really really well, and I don't even have a tutor yet. You all wait, I'm gonna tapao this Further Math subject and be the best in Malaysia. Wait and see.

My thoughts are all here and there because I just feel so blessed today man. Like really, EVERYTHING went well today. I'm just... speechless with gratitude. Thank you, God.

Moving On

2010-03-12T17:00:00.003+08:00

I have confirmed the traditional subject I will be taking: Further Mathematics. Everybody say wowwww.

I'm really sad that I have to drop Business Studies, because the lovely 'young' lady who teaches it is really one of the most amazing individuals I have ever met, and I will greatly miss her fun character and deep pieces of advice. In her class, you'll feel that you're growing not only knowledge-wise, but... well I don't know how to put it. Just that she's an amazing amazing teacher and Taylor's is so lucky she's teaching there.

I love the subject too, but I just have no choice as I contemplate my future. I have to take Further Math. Yes, I know what you all say about it, it's one hell of a crazy tough subject. Psyching myself up: I CAN DO IT!!!

Met with Mrs. Mary Ng, and she has approved me and Ann Bee doing Further Math. Further discussions with my Math, Business Studies and mentor, and they are all agreeable. But it's so SCARY. I'm two months behind the current syllabus, and it's not confirmed if we'll be able to join another classes' Further Math class for Semester 2. Have to prepare myself for doing it all alone.

And the cost of tutoring = INSANE. RM100/hr. What a crazy well-paying job. I should become one too, once I graduate. Well, it is a sacrifice (albeit one that has to be borne by my parents. Sorry mommy! daddy!) but one that I have to take. Changing classes is not an option, because there isn't any other class with this 'weird' combination of subjects.

So ohhh well gonna do lotsa research over the weekend. Anyone knows any good Further Math tutors? Oh oh and can recommend some useful website to help with the first topic, since I haven't gotten any textbooks yet.

Have lotsa stuff to do over this weekend. Busy busy busy.

I Surrender All

2010-03-11T15:57:00.003+08:00

Post number 200! And wow it coincides with SPM results day.

For those who want to know what I got:

BM A+
ENG A+
MORAL A-
HISTORY B+
MATH A+
ADD MATH A+
COMMERCE A
ACCOUNTS A
ECONS A
PHYSICS A+
BIOLOGY B+

That's 5A+, 3A, 1A- and 2B+. It's not perfect results, but I am happy with it.^.^ It's good enough for me to appreciate my own hard work in certain papers, yet it's bad enough for me to know that I have to put in a lot more work at A-levels to achieve chun-ted results.

Form 5 was basically a crazy year and being given the opportunity to do so many other things, I decided to devote more of my time to co-curricular activities, and hence, the very average results. Having taken up commerce, accounts and econs in F5 too, I'm just so happy to get A's for all three subs. Getting A+ for Physics and Add Math too made me very happy.

Some people expected better of me, but I know what I am capable of, and I am pleased with my results... this time. Hahah not for A-Levels man. I'm gonna get straight A*. I'm working really hard at studies this time and I trust God to let me reap the fruits of my labour.

Oh oh! And congrats to Alvin! Straight A+ man. Genius.

Right now, however, I am in a dilemma about my subject combination. I'd like to apply to top unis, but they require a minimum of 3 'traditional' subjects. Currently, I'm doing two. I've looked through all the other traditional subjects, and I seriously can't see myself doing any of them. It's going to be as torturous a year as Form 5.

Should I sacrifice my own joy to do subjects which I dislike, in order to chase my dreams? Or should I stay where I am, where I am already doing pretty well, and let whatever happens happen in my application to university? It's not like Physics is actually relevant to a degree in Economics. It's just the top universities' preference that you do 'traditional' subjects.

OPTION 1:So right now, I can opt to drop a subject, and take a 'traditional' one on my own, or
OPTION 2:change subject combination and change classes, or
OPTION 3:continue with my existing subject and say, God, if it's Your will to let me go there, You will make it happen despite the circumstances.

It's seriously crazy to have to do 'traditional' subjects when the degree I want is Economics. Which sounds more relevant to Economics, Biology or Business Studies? Physics or Accounting?

This is a weird weird world. And I really don't know what to do. I really really don't want to do science subjects anymore, and I'm doing well where I am, so is it worth it sacrificing my personal interest for a chance to someday attend Harvard? Or maybe I'll try continuing with my current subjects and trust that somehow God will open that door? Maybe I could strive to be the first, or one of the very very few to enter on two 'traditional' subjects? I'm very scared of being let down though.

God, I surrender it all to You.

I Got You

2010-03-09T17:02:00.003+08:00

Thank you, God.

I suppose I should start today's post with that. Yesterday was really really emo day la, and it reached a peak when I got 21/31 for Math. I was like.. urrgh. Okay if you want to know why I've been emo-ing for so long, it's not just because of studies okay. I have a life too. I don't worship books. Jeremy has social needs too, thank you very much.

Yesterday, my class teacher noticed it and was like, "J, why so emo? Too stressed?" And I was like, "Urrgh, there's so many things going on in my head right now." And he was like, "Don't stress yourself out too much. You can do it, you're not just an A student but an A* student (I dunno how to put the 'star' in written form). After all, you are quite holy what. (At this point I'm like...whattt...) You go to church. I'm sure prayer helps right? It'll be good to have more of you around."

Or something to that effect. But the strange thing was being advised to pray by my class teacher whom I'm not sure menganuti what religion. So I'm really like... whookay I'll give it ago.

Note: at this point, PLEASE know that I am NOT a holy person okay. NO I don't visit Russian churches in my holidays, and NO I doubt I'll be the next pope. And YES people have given such comments before. I'm just an average Joe, or rather an average Jeremy trying to find a reason for life. I do not live up to people's standards of what is 'holy' but I am proud to call myself a Christian. ^.^

So yesterday was emo day at home. Talked to a few people online and got some good advice. Spent extra time on worship and the bible. But the strangest thing was that God chose to speak to me through Leona Lewis. LOL.

I Got You

Go ahead and say goodbye
I'll be all right
Go ahead and make me cry
I'll be all right
And when you need a place
To run to
For better or worse
I got you

Which really reminded me of God's love for us. And I remembered how several people have said that it is not God who closed the door to us, but His hand is ever stretched down for us. And when we feel away from Him, it's not that He has left us, but that we need to stretch our hands upwards and grasp His mercy. He is ALWAYS ALWAYS THERE, 24/7.

I realised that I haven't really been stretching out for Him. The past few weeks, as you know, have been ABSURDLY HOT. So I've been complaining like non-stop, and I can't get anything done. It's superrr uncomfortable to do anything la. And if I switch on the air-cond I feel like I'm polluting the environment so I keep that to a minimum.

I've forgotten to wake up and start the day with praise, thanking God for his mercies. Instead, I've been cursing the hot weather, complaining about impending tests, looking forward to seeing a certain someone, and praying that certain teachers don't enter the class for the day. Oh oh and praying for no homework. ^.^

I've been facing tests with the intention of proving something to myself, and outshining everyone. There's a fine line behind noble purposes of excelling, and selfish ones. I realised that I had actually crossed over to the selfish side. Any extra time I had, would be to maximise my own marks and not to help others do better as well. Heck, I stole people's notes man. Haha. Because I didn't take my own.

So last night, I felt my head was very much cleared. Leona Lewis helped a lot. Haha. God works in mysterious ways. It just felt like a huge burden was lifted off my chest, that all things are possible as long as I change the way I look at things. This morning, I was superrr happy to get back to college. I decided to start the day with optimism la.

So anyways, today was a happy happy day. I got 17/18 for Thinking Skills, and I told myself beforehand that I'd be happy with anything above 15. When God blesses, he blesses in abundance. Lotsa other things also went really well, and I really praise God for all that.

Well, today I learnt that emo is NOT a nice outfit to wear, and that negativity attracts negativity. Live life with God, and optimism and other good things come naturally. Thanks for reading.^.^ God bless.

Oh oh! I put up a new FB picture! The last one too emo la. See I'm smiling in this^.^

Find Rest in You

2010-03-08T18:10:00.002+08:00

I wish that I could fill this blog with lotsa happy stuff everyday. Sugar, spice and everything nice, but that goes against the very nature of life, in that there's ups and downs. No one has a perfect life. No one, not even Paris Hilton, not even Bill Gates can honestly say that everyday is vanilla and chocolate ice-cream day. Life is like an economic cycle, it goes up to the boom, then down to the recession, then up to the boom again. Each time there is a recession, you struggle, you look for solutions, you look for situations to take to your advantage, then there is a period of peace where you can just relax and recover and prepare for the next recession.

How exactly do you respond when everything just goes... wrong. I'm in dire need of a retreat, life has just too much stress and problems now and I want to evaporate. Well, of course I'd like to condense back later when the problems are resolved, no I'm not going to leave this world yet, thank you very much.

I feel that I have hurt some people lately and I'd like to say that I'm very very sorry. It's just that I need some time to sit down and think. Life has been a non-stop rollercoaster lately, and the coming week is proving to be no exception. I just have no TIME anymore. Why aren't there 25 hours in a day? Come to think of it, I should be grateful there aren't 23. Haha. If it was I'd be...oh great not another 23.

At this point, I'm feeling not just physically, but mentally and spiritually tired. Jeremy runs at 150% all the time, so at some point he has gotten tired and needs to get recharged.

I am just so grateful, though at the same time, that I am not facing this alone. Okay I know this is going to sound corny, and some of you are going to say 'iyerr acting holy' but yeah I thank God for Him being there to listen to me. At least I know that even if I work my brains off and die of an overload, I know that He is there to jaga me. All that matters is my effort and my heart, even if people misunderstand and judge me, the final judgment's all that matters. So no worries! Haha.

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

7 Deadly Sins

2010-03-07T19:20:00.002+08:00

Those who know me, you might probably say that I am the paling um.. what's the word, passive punya orang. I never argue with people (debate doesn't count). Never shout at people. Never get angry at people.

But recently. I. Am. Amazingly. Pissed. At. This. Incompetent. Fellow. Who. Cannot. Stand. On. His/her. Own. Legs.

I even had a nightmare about the person the other night. I'm like telling myself to chill, chill but my brain, or rather my heart must be PMS-ing.

Seems like I'm ranting right, posting this up here like this. Actually, it's because I hardly ever feel this way and I'm so proud of myself that I can actually get angry. *bangga* Sometimes I wonder if I have any emotions besides emo mode. Like, when someone's so super irritating and everyone moves away because they can't stand him, I don't seem to mind. When someone takes my stuff without asking, I don't seem to mind. Of course, I pura-pura merajuk la, but inside I really don't care la. When there's someone who damn pisses people off, I don't care also.

So I've been wondering if my heart has shut off a valve or something. It just feels so numb! But now I'm angry. So it's working properly! Yay me. Haha.

This feeling... is so wonderful. You feel like knocking the fella on the head. You feel like putting up a dart board with the person's head on it and tossing darts at it. You feel like you have a reason not to answer the person's calls. You feel like giving short snappy replies so that the person knows you're irked at him/her. In other words, it's exciting to be angry! Man I haven't felt like this in years!

Of course, it's wrong to keep it in your heart. Actually this is not really a grudge lar, I'm just frustrated with that person. So I shall... do something about it, which does not involve anything mentioned in the previous paragraph. Boys and girls, it's wrong to stay angry at someone okay? Forgive and forget. Learn to give constructive criticism to help the person improve, instead of announcing a college-wide boycott against the person.

I had to announce that disclaimer in case someone accuses me of spreading Hitler-like teachings. Nononono. Jesus asked us to love our neighbours, okay? So nonono I shall not start some ajaran sesat here. Please follow what Jesus tells you to do, not me. Enough of this deviant blog. Go read your bibles. ^.^

It's March

2010-03-04T18:13:00.004+08:00

Urrgh. I got 24/25 for Econs. Super tak puas weih. Even more tak puas than my 9/20 for Business Studies. For BS, I can understand that I terpesong-ed from the topic, so I'm cools with that. Next one, watch out haha. But ECONNSSS. Not my fault oso. WHY LA WHY. It was an objective question for goodness' sake.

Today's Moral test... I don't think I'll be able to get full marks already. Questions were superr weird. Stare stare stare at the same question for five minutes, and I'm still like 'huh?' What on earth...

I got yen ching pao the last few days. I haven't slept later than 11 pm the last few days, I can't understand why I'm so sleeeepy. Today was a long day, came back at 5.30 and that means, left for home at 5.30. Spent almost 10 hours in college. Waaait. That makes exactly 10 hours, because I reach college at 7.30. Tomorrow's another super long day. Prayer meeting early in morning, college, club AGM, CF, Sook's BBQ. God bless me. Oh, and Maths test on vectors too. (FULL MARKSSS HOPEFULLY)

And the next day, gonna work on the interviews for our Moral presentation. Needs some preparation the day before. Crappp.

For once, I'm not looking forward to the weekendd... OH MAN! JUST REMEMBERED THE LUNCH APPOINTMENT WITH JOEL ON SATURDAY! Ohmanohmanohmanohman...

Must. Sleep. First. So. I. Can. Think. Properly. Then. Sort. This. Out.

Moral of the day: If you call a girl 'bro', she will respond by flaunting her assets.

Enough is Enough

2010-03-02T18:24:00.001+08:00

Okays. Enough of staying at this level. Competing with Ann Bee and Jasyn is motivating and all, but I really need to raise my motivation level and move a step higher. I'm sick of seeing my Maths marks 2, 3 or 4 marks short of being a full score. From now on, my aim is to get a FULL SCORE. You hear that? Will post up my achievements soon. Haha.

Kiasu mode: ACTIVATE.

The Number 23

2010-03-01T18:37:00.002+08:00

Chill Joel, I wasn't really awake when I typed that yesterday. But now I just had a half-hour nap, and my brain cells have been recharged! Woohoo!

Okks. So I have just made up my mind to finally get a locker, after having to buy yet more past year papers. The new Accounting ones are really so thick and heavy that Arnold Schwarzenegger probably couldn't lift them. Sharing one with Jazz and Winnie now. So yaya our classmates advised us to get those either starting with numbers 2, 3, or 6, 7, because that would be about human height, not to high and not too low.

Went to the blabla place to rent a locker and whaddaya know? Every locker but locker 23 was taken. So straightaway we rented that one lar. Actually hor I noticed more lockers in the other rows but I straightaway agreed on number 23 because it's a number close to my heart.

I was born on 23 May. 2+3=5! haha
My mom was born on 23 June. 2x3=6!
My dad bought house number 23 in Putra Heights.
Heck, I got 23/27 for Maths today.
Come to think of it, 23/25 for the last Econs test.
My phone number ends with 23.
My dad's phone number has the number 23 too.
23 is a prime number. The most awesome one there is.
Each paid RM20 for the locker, and there's 3 of us. 2 - 3. haha.

Okk I'm dry of ideas for now, I'll just copy and paste from the Web.

The number has been the subject of not one but two films: the 1998 German movie, 23, and The Number 23, starring Jim Carrey, released (naturally) today. Each has a main character obsessed with the number.

Sport stars have developed a particular affinity (and aversion) to 23. Michael Jordan, the American basketball player, wore the number throughout his career and inspired many copy cat fans of wardrobe vigintitriplicity. Best known is former England captain David Beckham, who swapped his number seven Manchester United jersey for number 23 when he joined Real Madrid. Beckham, who said it was in deference to Jordan, is expected to continue wearing 23 when he joins LA Galaxy this summer. But the number is not always a harbinger of sporting good fortune. Manchester City have not assigned the squad number 23 to any player since 2003 after the last incumbent, Marc Vivien Foe, collapsed and died while playing for the Cameroon on 26 June 2003. Marcus Trescothick, the England cricket players, wears number 23 and was Australian bowler Shane Warne's 600th test wicket. Warne also wears 23.

The Bible does not let 23 pass without conferring upon it some significance, at least to students of the Book. Although the Old Testament is unspecific, it is widely held that Adam and Eve had 23 daughters. The 23rd verse of the first chapter of Genesis brings the act of creation to a close while the 23rd chapter of the book of Genesis deals entirely with death, namely that of Abraham's wife, Sarah. The most famous and most quoted of the Psalms is number 23: "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters."

Each parent contributes 23 chromosomes to the start of human life. The nuclei of cells in human bodies have 46 chromosomes made out of 23 pairs. Egg and sperm cells in humans have 23 chromosomes which fuse and divide to create an embryo.

Fuyooh so chun right. There's lots more on the web. I mean, they even made a movie on this number! It's strange but the number 23 has been following me throughout my life, in all kinds of small and insignificant events that I can't really recall right now.

Oh oh just found a picture in a previous post.
SEEE IT'S SO SCARY RIGHT. That's my birthday right there. And guess what: his name is Jeremy too. And it says "Powered by Christ" below haha.

I'm done for today. ^.^

Pointless

2010-02-28T20:22:00.004+08:00

Hey there.

It'll be wrong to say that I haven't touched this blog in awhile, because actually I have started a post, make that 'posts', and then failed. They are now decomposing in my Drafts folder.

I have come to realise how uninteresting my life is. I don't have a girlfriend, don't have cocaine addiction, am not a rock star, don't have drop dead good looks, don't have an alter ego (think Hannah Montana), haven't appeared on TV, and I wake up at 9.30 on weekends. I don't have purple hair with red highlights, I don't have 20cm long fingernails, I don't have evil spirits following me, and I don't have blue eyes.

What I'm trying to say is, why would anyone look twice at me?

Some people live very interesting lives. Like c'mon don't give me that clueless stare. Think back of that time your friend appeared on a TV commercial. And earned moolah for that brief appearance. Or when someone you knew appeared in Seventeen magazine. Or when 'that fella down the street' shook hands with Bill Gates.

So comparatively, I feel like I'm non-existent. C'mon, you feel that too, sometimes right? Even if you are on a high because you managed to high-5 Beyonce or something, the euphoria tends to fade away after some time and you're thinking, why is my life a routine? How come nothing exciting ever happens to ME?

So you may be wondering, what's the point of this post?... ... ... Actually, I'm not sure myself. I just opened up this window and started typing away. Now that I've exhausted by brain juices on this topic, time to move on.

I'm so evil right? To lead you on like that.

Ahem. Sometimes I wonder, myself, why I blog. What do I blog. Do I blog for myself, or for others? Do I blog about my mundane life, or shall I fill this blog with fascinating science facts to attract the nerds out there? Or maybe I should put in lotsa Godly posts so I can paint myself as a wonderful Christian and earn a golden ticket to heaven.

That last sentence convinced me. Whatever I blog about, it's not about fulfilling expectations, whether it's my own or others. More often than not, nowadays, I blog to let out my feelings. It's so nice to SCREAAAAAAAAAAAM in a post. No one looks at you weirdly, and even if they do, you can't see it because you're alone in your room facing a computer screen. Even if they do put up stupid comments in your CBox, thank God for an amazing gadget known as the 'Delete' button that lets you continue living your life of ignorance.

Yet at the same time, you have to keep yourself in check in what you post up. Nothing too personal, for obvious reasons. So it's irritating, because I'll regularly come up with some amazing post that's deserving of a Pulitzer, but then I realise I'm exposing too much of my life, and a stalker might come along and harass me, so I decide not to hit the 'Publish Post' button. Gah. Drat this borderless Internet.

So yes Joel, if you'd like to know, I blogged about last Wednesday's CF, and I blogged about this morning's Acts 10th anniversary. But those posts are now sitting in my Drafts folder rotting. Some of last Wednesday's post was actually for you, but I guess if you want to see them you'll just have to hack my Blogger account.

Gah. Don't do it. That wasn't a dare.

Sorry, I'm just sleepy again right now. 200 pages of Accounts textbook over the weekend makes you act like this.

I'll come up with a better post this week.

Ang Pow Na Lai

2010-02-14T16:44:00.002+08:00

HAHA. I've got 54 unapproved friend requests on fb. The other day in the library someone.. I think it was Jazzmin, saw the number and was like...wow. You like to torture people ar. Haha.

Actually I *think* I know about 80% of those people, but I haven't really said more than 3 words to them, or I'm not sure whether they really are who I think they are because there is a picture of Crayon Shin Chan as their profile picture. I can't stand those people who put other pictures as their profile pictures. Helllooo~! This is FACE-book la. Mian. Muka. You go put anime pictures and whatnot for what?

Haha. It is the 14th of February and that means happy CNY, all! And Happy Valentine's! Another lonely Valentine's for me. But this year I have an excuse: Valentine's clashes with CNY so I chose to spend more time with my family instead. Heehee. DUDE. I'm already past the minimum age of dating my parents set. Where's my life partnerrrrr! Rawr. Lol. Just joking. I'm not that desperate... yet.

I've been super merendahkan diri in forcing myself to speak and practise Chinese, and to ask when I don't know anything, at the expense of making myself look like an idiot. But I can actually string together some random sentences in Chinese now. Clap hands! Yay me. That's for the conversation. For the reading and writing, I have discovered a veeery useful tool, called.. jeng jeng jeng, Google Translator. Damn chun. It translated my classmate's blog which is totally in Chinese, to English. And it can translate my English words to Chinese characters too. Who cares about learning to read and write the hard way when there's technology.

Yes, I know Google Translator has been around for centuries, but it's new to me kay. I couldn't find how to get there before this. >.< So anyway now I can chat in Chinese and not have a clue how to read the characters. Thank you, Google.

I want to go back to college already! I'm bored at home.

Motivation in Practice

2010-02-11T19:19:00.003+08:00

YAYYYYY! Holidays are here!

First month of college passed by AWESOMELY. It's totally not what I expected it to be. I came in expecting all sorts of evil classmates and cruel Hitler-ish lecturers but it's the total opposite man.

First of all, I'm in the awesomest class, PB2 which is also the cutest class of all time. Haha. The teachers have good taste. And please don't tell me that cute = ugly but adorable, you and I know that that term was coined up by some loser because the fella next to him was called cute and he wasn't. Jealousy man. It's baaad. Yes yes, the rest of A-Levels, we know that you are dying to get into our class but we are currently not accepting any new members. ^.^ Have to maintain a standard for the cuteness.

Secondly, I have been doing pretty well in my studies! Hurrah! Yes to all of you who know that I regularly get C's for Bio, I've been doing well in the subjects I love thus far. Yes the assumption that you do better in things that interest you is absolutely true. Today, I got 23/25 for Econs (highest in class^.^) and 28/31 for Math. I'm super happy. Of course la I'm going to aim for higher, but it shows that I'm on the right path thus far. Yay me! And my class has super smart students so I am motivated to do even better, in keeping with Herzberg's theory LOL.

Thirdly, it's nice to have FREEDOM! Yes I still live with my parents, but it's damn alot of fun to choose what to eat, and wear, and what to do everyday. Life is not as structured as school, you can choose to skip lessons if you want to, you don't have to climb over (or through) the fence to get out, man you just walk out. Of course I haven't skipped any classes... yet. Lol. Just saying that I can if I want to. Which is motivating.

I am so motivated that I've borrowed books to occupy me for the holidays. Yes it's gonna be a study holiday. Wish me luck and discipline! Jia you!

FFK

2010-02-09T22:03:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if it's this 'eye service' which keeps me going.

Past few days have been sooo tiring, and I've got like... 3 tests this week. Not to mention all the tests and assignments due after CNY. There's no break from college, is there? Every lesson, I'm crossing my fingers hoping the teacher doesn't come in so that we can have a free period to sleep and catch up on some work.

I love college but I'm just so SLEEEPY all the time that it affects my mood. Crap. Man this is NOT me! I have actually pushed my sleeping time to a latest of 11 p.m., okay sometimes 11.30, each night but I'm still nodding off in class. Now I know why people have to result to coffee. I WANT.

CNY is here and I'm stuck in this limbo land. I want to get outtttt. Why la everyone can fly here and there but I'm stuck in Subang. AAAARGH.

I know I'm complaining a lot, but this is not the usual me talking. This is a sleep-deprived Jeremy talking. College, give my back MY LIFE.

Ahahah. Random.
Love my classmates. ^.^

First Time Blogging in College

2010-02-08T14:32:00.003+08:00

Hey world. I'm in college now, and Maths class has been cancelled. Yessh! Was supposed to check the Internet only for the Maths h/w email, but I got side-tracked into facebook andd... this. Haha. My Accounts homework is right beside me right now, inviting me to finish it.

Well I've been away from cyberworld from a few days so I really really miss this place. ^.^ And also,

CAMP.
WAS.
AWESOME.

I'm fatter, seriously. They feed us really well in El Sanctuary. Man I miss the food already. But it's nice to be home in air-cond comfort. I am addicted to air-cond ever since college started. Usually I can do without it in the day, but nowadays without it, my body cells would slow down and become inanimate.

Oh oh and the sessions were so memorable and awesome. Still can remember Pastor Sandra's facial expressions. It's one of the few times I've heard her preach. Oh oh and Dave Yeow's message was so awesome too. I hope they come up with an MTG cos' I'm definitely buying it.

Uh oh. I only have 20 mins left till Accounts. I'd better do my work now.

Words

2010-02-04T15:45:00.003+08:00

CAMPUS CAMP TOMORROW!!! Aih. Actually right now I don't have the mood to go, because I'd rather use the weekend to study. So much fun things in the textbook wei. ^.^ Ah and having to suffer the lack of internet, air-cond, and sleep. I knew I'd surely feel like this when camp comes. That's why I forced myself to sign up and pay up early. ^.^ *bangga*

Thankfully, I have actually FINISHED my math for this week. Of course, more homework expected tomorrow but I suppose the due date would be the end of next week then. And there are NO assignments over the weekend... so far. God is helping me with my workload! ^.^ Thank you, God. So I can go to camp in peace without having nightmares of Ms Tee.

I have so much to be grateful for over the past weeks. I seriously thank God that I have such awesome, supportive and loving classmates. *awww, squish!* I told myself that I have to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself in college, and the people around me have been super supportive. I feel super inspired when I hear good comments about... myself (not syok-sendiri-ing ya) because it drives me to want to achieve so much more because I know that I am capable of it.

I still remember, as a cute little boy, always being told what I couldn't do. In kindergarten I was one of the slowest to pick up reading. The teacher had to coach me outside of kindergarten hours so that I could keep up with the rest. Yes, this is for all you people who think that I was 'born' smart. It was super embarassing you know, at that time. And when I coloured, I always coloured out of the lines. I had a problem following instructions. Thank God for awesome kindergarten teachers who never gave up on me. ^.^

So yes, I picked up reading and in Standard 1 I became consistently top two in class. ^.^ Basically that means I'm number two lar, behind *ahem ahem* who always got number one. It was a big change man. But still, I was a skinny scrawny kid so my parents enrolled me in Taekwondo. I'm not athletically gifted, and as I said I had a problem following instructions so I always failed my Taekwondo tests. And I was stuck at Green belt while all my friends continued to higher belts. I was super sad la and quit Taekwondo in Standard 3.

My life until Standard 6 was pretty uneventful, but I did pretty well in studies la. And that was that. Studies was my life. I also had some problems at that time, in my voice transitioning from Mickey Mouse's to Brad Pitt's voice, so I had low self esteem issues. Like, people would hear my voice and LAUGH. Omgosh. So evil man.

My dad realised that I was rotting at home after UPSR, so he bribed me with a PS2 if I took up Taekwondo again. Of course I agreed. Haha. For 2 hours of torture a week, I can have a PS2!! And I was free to quit once secondary school started.

So I did, went to 3K taekwondo, and basically I moved up from my green belt there. I helped out in coaching and all and that really boosted my confidence. I decided to stay longer than the time I needed to, for the PS2. Still, as I said, I'm not athletically gifted, so although I can instruct well, I'm not a very good Taekwondo exponent myself. Once, when I was blue or red belt, we had a free sparring exercise, and some super chun red belt fella kicked me in the jaw. Sakit wei.

That was one of the defining moments of my life la. It was pretty bad, no permanent damage but a bit of swelling ar. My instructor was super kan-cheong, and a few of the younger kids who just joined Taekwondo left because of me. Hehe. But after that, driving me home, my mom said I don't have to continue with Taekwondo anymore if I don't want to. She said she knows I'm not the athletic type so maybe this kind of thing is.. not my thing.

I thought about it, and decided to continue to prove her wrong. I told myself that I would join a sparring competition, in fact. Well I did continue, and went up to 2nd Dan, which is the second level of black belt. And I'm one of the youngest 2nd Dan-ers in SMKSU. ^.^ I worked hard at sparring, and my taekwondo mates respect me as one of the better ones in sparring. I even joined sparring competitions la, never got past the first round but still gave a good fight. I won a bronze medal in a pattern competition before too.

I'm super grateful that I didn't stop when I felt like stopping. I'm glad that I went all the way and now I have something to show for it.

In form 1, as I said, as a continuation of Std 6, I still had low self-esteem issues. It was really bad lar, I felt like the class nerd. I wanted to break out, to step out of my comfort zone, so I decided on prefects. I missed the first two intakes, but by the grace of God there was a THIRD intake in my year. They don't do that every year ok. So I joined la, but it was more because I didn't like to be the sad loner who sits in the corner. At least with prefects I look like I'm doing something. Looks cooler la. Haha.

Probation went really well, but another defining moment in my life happened when I was seated in the pondok with Pn. DotDotDot (censored) and several students from the next class. I was still on probation, with the probation tag and the school tie. And Pn. DotDotDot asked me why I wanted to be a prefect? I said something, which I forgot, and then she said I could never be a prefect because of my voice. She said it super loud, and with the students from the next class there. It was super embarassing. And to hear it from a teacher as well.

I emo banyak-banyak that day and wanted to quit. But that very same day, a VERRY wonderful person by the name of Joanna Foo talked to me, and said that I am actually the best of the current batch of probates. She said that the prefects really needs people like me and it would be a loss if I decided to stop. I don't know if it was true or not, but I was really really touched. Like really. God bless Joanna Foo, she went on to become Head Prefect in Form 5 anyway, and she fully deserves it.

So I stayed on, and in Form 2, my voice changed... for the better. And there were the junior prefects and I mentored a few. They really inspired me when they said that I have what it takes to be head prefect, and it was a shame that I joined prefects late. I started to think that, hey, maybe I am capable of more.

Form 3, I had to decide whether to continue on with prefects or quit and do other things. I prayed about it, and it was really really hard, but I decided to quit prefects. Time to move on. In Form 3, I involved myself in CF and squash. For CF, it was actually a bit of an accident how I got involved, I only planned to attend the Friday meetings to fill up my Koku card. ^.^ But yeah as I have said in a previous post, I got into prayer meeting and that changed my life.

In Form 4, I was appointed assistant head of I.T, and that really boosted my self-esteem. For once, I felt that I could really make a difference and contribute something. I became more sociable and made many wonderful friends through CF. I also started joining the Taekwondo Club in school.

In Form 5, all of a sudden, I was elected President of CF and Squash. And also Vice-President of Taekwondo. I participated in debate and did pretty well at it, though we never won. Most importantly, it taught me to push myself to achieve more because I know I haven't realised my full potential. I still have so much to offer. It taught me self-confidence. And I'm grateful for my history at the same time, because it taught me the value of humility. Add everything together and you get the perfect human specimen... a Jeremy. HAHA NO LAR.

So now, I'm really really pushing lar. Not for posts or whatnot, but because I truly want to be the best that I can be. I have stuff to prove to my parents, my friends, but above all, I have stuff to prove to myself. To all the people who have ever said an encouraging word to me throughout these years, I want you to know that it truly mattered in my life, and it has resulted in the person you see standing in front of you today.

And for those who did otherwise, like Pn. DotDotDot, I'll say.. GO TO CHURCH. >.<

It truly shows you the power of encouragement and words in a person's life. There's a very simple saying, 'when you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all'. Not talking about constructive criticism and all la, just saying that each person has their strengths and weaknesses and sometimes we tell them so much about their weaknesses that they think it's the only thing they have and they feel useless. We need to encourage and emphasise their strengths as well.

Man this is a looooong wordy post. Mm. Letting it all out before camp, so that new stuff may come in. ^.^ Ciaoz, see ya guys after camp.

Trip to Egypt

2010-02-02T17:40:00.005+08:00

I just HAVE to blog today. Darn happening.

Last night, I was busy preparing for my Accounts and Business Studies presentation, both were supposed to be today *gasp* So yayaya I DID go for the jog yesterday (yay me) and I was feeling so super tired but I still stayed up till 12 to do all my work. And then this morning, as I was feeling so confident and was about to walk out of my house to deliver super-cun presentations, I got an SMS from Miss Chong. She was sick. OH NOOOO. That means our Business Studies presentations are POSTPONED. Dude.

Of course la, my first concern would be Miss Chong's well-being and all, but then... aihhhh. Stayed up till 12 yesterday for nothing wei. But that meant a 2 hour break today, so we, the platinum class of PB2 decided to go to Egypt and ber-shoping at the Pyramid there. Zoom our classmates flew us in their Private MyviJets and one in a SmartJet, and we had lunch and bought calculators there. Wooow. So amazing right? Oh yeah, and camwhored in the lift. ^.^

So anyway. The main part was when I was seated in Kah Kiat's MyviJet, with Huzafa, Fidot, and Jag, and super cun wei! The car, er I mean jet kena bang in Pyramid's carpark. Must be the curse of the Egyptians wei. We were about to make a turning when the car in front suddenly stopped and reversed into us. WTH?!! The criminal was actually some business-ish lady, and she had a bespectacled sidekick.

The front right side of Kah Kiat's car was remuk-ised, and it was bad enough that he couldn't open his driver's side door. The woman was super apologetic and said she didn't check when reversing, and it seemed her first time being in an accident too, she was super kan-cheong. KK called his mom and you could feel the tension >.< as he was conveying the news to her. Then he passed the phone to the lady la.

So anyway, lady and us decided it was better if the issue was settled immediately, so arrangements were made to go to a workshop and the lady would foot the bill there. Those of us in Moral were already late for class so I decided to go first la. KK dropped me off in SS13 and I walked to SS15. The rest followed him to the workshop to see how things turn out. My walk from SS13 was darn stressful wei. I was counting down the minutes on my watch... 1 minute late... 2 minutes late... 5 minutes late... My first time being late for class. ^.^ I mean, more than 5 minutes late lar.

Masuk moral at 12.15, 15 minutes late and Ms Patma didn't even notice me. Yessh! The others came in even later than me. All had parking issues. But the weird part was, during the class, she happened to call on every single person that was missing. Kah Kiat, Jagveer, Michell (who was sick). She has ESP I think.

After that, I was super sleepy already, from yesterday's jog, and late night, and the crappy walk from SS13 in midday heat. Ahahah. Mengantuk kau-kau and couldn't concentrate on the lessons after that already.

I can't believe it's only TUESDAY. Running a sleep deficit here. I wan go sui jiao.

Nononono. Kiasu mode, activate! lolololol

The Muffin Top

2010-02-01T17:08:00.004+08:00

Woows. Ting, you actually read my blog ar? Hi hi! If you're reading this. ^.^

Accounts I got 19/20 for the MCQ. Nooooo. Three people got 20/20. So over. I tak puas. I won't let them beat me. I'll show them who's boss in Accounts. And Econs. And Business Studies. And Thinking Skills. And Mathematics. And Moral. Oh crap, that's all the subjects. Kiasu overload. Man I have no life.

I haven't watched TV for the past three weeks. Fuyoh. My life is really messed up. How can it be complete without So You Think You Can Dance? American Idol? Supernatural? I had better receive some compensation for this. A ticket to Harvard might do it.^.^ Ahh. The sacrifices I make for the future. I deserve a Nobel.

I feel so jealous lar, when I look at all the Student Council candidates campaigning. I mean, it's not everyday in your life that you get to splurge on photos of yourself which 75% of the population would use as paperplane material, or to be able to shamelessly promote yourself in front of people who are clearly not going to support you, or to have teachers condemning you for interrupting their lessons. It would only happen once in your lifetime! Ladadadidum.

Haha. Seriously lar, I'm really really grateful that I didn't sign on for all that. No I actually don't mind all of the above, seriously but I DON'T WANT TO MISS LESSONS. Ahah. I've had enough of that last year, and it's crazy hard to keep up with studies when you're not in the class. SPM = fail. So now my A-levels must = EXCELLENT. Of course la, I'm not going to turn into SuperNerd, but the activities I choose definitely cannot disrupt my studies. This year, studies = numero uno. Must be serious wei.

Therefore, I've evolved from being a couch potato to being... a computer chair potato. Not good. Soon I'll be a muffin top. ^.^ Omgosh so cute wei the name... muffin top. Muffin top! Muffin top!!... Muffin top. Muffin top? Crap. High already. Aih. Going for a jog later. Or at least, I plan to. Muffin mode might step in and prevent me from stepping out of the house. Anyone in 17? Be my jogging partner please...

Distractions

2010-01-29T16:52:00.003+08:00

I'm distracting myself with life so that I can forget you. Support me k?

I'm super giler bangga that I got top of class for yesterday's Maths test. *kiasu alert* I see my classmates are quite smart, so I must beat them in every subject. *Jeremy, is that really you speaking?* All of a sudden I'm so freakin kiasu, I feel tak puas when someone else does better than me. I've been studying my brains out even though it's like what... week three? of college.

Really really love Taylor's. The environment makes it so conducive for learning, that my inner nerd can finally emerge. *woooow* I've never been so serious about studies weii. Haha. I feel like I've gained more knowledge in these 3 weeks of college than in my whole of secondary school. Classes are darn interesting, and the assignments I have next week are also super exciting. I like assignments because I like talking in front. ^.^ Love the adrenaline rush as I'm preparing to present.

Business studies and Economics are like my favourite subjects right now. All those theory-ish work is so giler interesting wei. The textbooks have become my night time storybook. And I've even begun reading StarBiz. Omgosh it's so nice when you start understanding what on earth the articles are about. They're actually darn interesting. I feel smarter when I talk to business people. ^.^ More able to keep up with what they are saying.

I kinda still had second thoughts when I started Pre-Business, mainly because of the stereotyping as a 'second-class citizen' for not doing Science. I kept wondering, what if I decide to do Engineering pulak? Cos' I really really liked Physics actually, but wow today attended a talk by an ex-Taylor's student who studied Economics in Cambridge, and my heart was saying 'that's me! that's me!' and I know that's what I'm supposed to do.

So... yeah. That's my study life. For ECA, I've signed up for Leader's Club, Debate Club, TAYMUN, tennis, and Business Club. Sounds super ridiculous eh? I'm gonna drop at least 2, definitely. I actually wasn't planning on putting my name down for so many things, but during the Orientation party I got kinda carried away. I only realised how many I actually signed up for when I reached home. >.<

Exciting third week of college. Waiting anxiously for week four to begin. My time here is sooooo limited. Making the most of it.

Emotions

2010-01-25T19:42:00.005+08:00

College is great so far. But no, I can't blog about it because my every day, every second, every minute is filled with you. I can't stand it. Wish I had someone to talk to, but who can I go to?

I wish I can tell you how I feel about you, that you're special to me but I'm scared that will ruin things between us. I'm scared how you would react. I'm scared history would repeat itself. I don't want to lose you. Really, really I don't. I'd rather not tell you and suffer inside than to lose you.

You might say that I don't know you enough, that I've only seen the good side. But I've known you long enough to see the parts of you that I actually don't like. But I don't know why, I still like you. Like really, really so much. I've had crushes and all before but this time, I... don't know. It's just different this time.

I know I can't live life thinking about this all day. But your presence makes life worth living.

You'll never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotions taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song

Start of Week 2

2010-01-18T17:31:00.004+08:00

It's a Monday.. whoohoo! Monday blues. Yups. Haha. I was sooooo tired today after a nice weekend of waking up later than normal. Zzzz. Nodding off even as I'm typing this. But no! Still got Math work to do.

Week two of college life is beginning and the reality of college life is setting in. No, not the workload and the long hours. That is obviously expected in college. But in week two, as one settles down and looks around, one can see people starting to... get lost.

Obviously, I'm not talking about losing their way to classes. You should know what I'm talking about. It's a really sad thing to see happening and I see more than ever that I have to call all the Christians together, at least for a start. Let's form a new norm on how to live college life, and let's start by recognising one another, encouraging one another, and even advising one another. Let's set a new standard here.

Lotsa thoughts running in my mind but I'm so sleepy now. Power nap time. =P

Weekend's Here

2010-01-15T16:11:00.002+08:00

Hello, world, first week of college is over and it's been a super hectic but exciting time. Met a lot of old friends here, and made new ones too, and I'm having the time of my life. Lessons are AWESOME. Maths is a little harder than I expected, but so far I'm coping. Yes, I know that A2 is going to be a lot harder, but let's take one day at a time.

Grateful for a nice schedule, nice classmates, nice teachers. Grateful for AIR-CONDITIONING OMGOSH I CAN'T IMAGINE GOING BACK TO OUR MICROWAVE OVEN GOVERNMENT SCHOOLS. Grateful for parents who can pay the fees for me to study here.

Today, there was prayer meeting and I feel so... relieved already haha. The first few days felt darn weird without the usual gathering in the morning to pray, so yeah it feels like a return to normal life. Inviting more people to come, let's have a bigger group! C'mon!

Workload isn't anything compared to what I see going on in the Science classes... what a relief? Business class seems more centred on discussions rather than... well... what's the word for it... theory-ish work. Ahaha. I can see lotsa debates coming up in the near future because the teacher encourages us to form and share our own opinions because nothing is right or wrong, and decisions made are justifiable if we have good reasons for them.

I haven't touched my DS in days... not bored yet. The syllabus is darn interesting... I'm reading my notes instead. Need to keep up this habit... jia you! If I let myself slack off I'm never going to make it to uni... which uni? Ahaha. I have my dreams. Don't tell me to keep dreaming because that dream is going to become a reality, you wait and see baby. If God allows it la of course. I can already see the path to travel and it's crazy scary, but I must tabahkan hati to face whatever challenges are thrown at me.

So here's to a productive first week in college and I pray that the rest of my time in Taylor's will be as productive and fulfilling.

Day 2

2010-01-13T17:47:00.002+08:00

Whoa, I blogged yesterday and I'm blogging again today, and this is cos' I'm like whoa college is so awesome, really love every aspect of it, love my classmates, love my lecturers, love my college. Today we could actually talk to each other, as we sat in the same class compared to yesterday where we were mostly in the hall. The people are so nice! And the Korean girl is so cute.

I love classes so far, can't imagine why everyone said Econs was utterly boring. I thought it was awesome. Like, I feel like the most semangat one out there lo. Today had Thinking Skills, Business Studies, Mathematics, Econs and Accounts and seriously enjoyed every one of those classes. Our Business Studies lecturer is so awesome I think I won't switch to law after all. Maybe I would do my own research on law if I have the time. It's so important having awesome lecturers because a teacher can really leave an impact in your life. So I'm sticking with what I have.

Been elected class rep, and although at first I wanted to, then later I didn't want (because of the photostating work), then I thought I wouldn't get it anyway, but anyway haha. It's fun! It's an opportunity to make a difference where I am. And I don't have to complain about class monitors who don't do their jobs, although now it's me who has to take responsibility but I like it! I promise I'll do a good job.

Haha acted a bit high today, a bit of lameness coming out as I find myself feeling more comfortable with this group of people. Wakaka. I find myself looking forward to each day despite the imminent workload. Though it may get tougher from here, I'm gonna keep up this positive spirit throughout this course. Amen!

College

2010-01-12T16:13:00.003+08:00

College is so awesome! Today was like super hectic though, orientation and all the queuing was crazy, and the classroom's air-cond wasn't working, but besides that, love it so much! My classmates are great, haven't really started talking yet, but can see they're ok la nice people. And in my class is my Form 5 classmate, my Standard 3 classmate and someone else I know. I can't ask for anything better, since I'm now in Business a.k.a. Arts stream and most of my friends are in Science classes.

My class as of now has only 24 students compared to the science classes which seem to have at least 30. And my class teacher, or now in college it's called 'mentor', is a really cool guy. Yups, really enjoyed today.

Still, I might substitute my business studies subject for law because I think law is more important lo. Having time to rethink, and looking at the high percentage of A's for business studies, I think law would be more challenging (and fun). But I like my class, and I'm scared the other class wouldn't be as nice.

Still, as I talked to the counsellor earlier, there's no loss if I do business studies, it's just a personal choice. Application to university would not be affected, but of course I would have learnt different things which would have prepared me more for different courses. So I'm going to take the next few days to evaluate and see if business studies is worth taking over law.

The only thing I absolutely can't stand is the long hours of college. Like, Monday and Tuesday it's over at 4. Compared to school, it's like FOREVER. I only took accounts tuition in high school so I'm not used to the feeling of putting in long hours of study in a day. So I have to get used to having less time at my disposal. Pfft.

I'm hyper right now because it's like, yeah I can seriously say I'm in college already. And I think I'm gonna have a great time here.^.^

PS. Watched Paranormal Activity in Mid Valley yesterday with Ju, Guang, Ben, Kish and Moon. It was soooooo goooooood. Like seriously. Belanja me ticket please. I want to watch again.

Ranting

2010-01-09T13:49:00.000+08:00

Like dude. 3 or 4 churches kena bomb yesterday. OMA! (Haha Shaun Kang) It was a really nice day yesterday, not because I enjoy seeing churches getting bombed, but all the words in Facebook, blogs and news sites out there showed that a 'majority' of Malaysians totally condemned the attack whatever religion they subscribe to.

Pastor Kenneth once said, when the end times are near, the church gets stronger. And I can't help but notice that. In a time like this, even the media which is supposedly 'neutral' is swinging lopsidedly to our beloved government whom is clearly hiding a lot from us. Heck, they don't even have to hide, because the 'prosecuters' are controlled by the government themselves, so they don't have to bother to keep their 'wonderful' plans for the rakyat under wraps.

Yesterday I learned that everything I studied in History and Civics about the government is nonsense. The government does not have a duty to protect the rakyat. We who are not Malay do not have rights. There is no Perlembagaan stating that we have freedom of religion.

Our dear politicians can go out and verbally support protests that will obviously cause disharmony in the country, then deny their own words and pin the blame on others. And our 'neutral' media produces reports that are amazingly one-sided and brainwashes the fence-sitters.

The ISA is used against Teresa Kok because of an accusation thrown by a certain ex-MB who was involved in scandals aplenty during his tenure. He says she doesn't like the sound from mosques. And they arrested HER for trying to cause racial disharmony.

And now, politicians are saying, go ahead with your protests. They are saying, we will continue to fight for this word, yes this word that has existed even before the religion itself began. Yes, we should raise a big fuss over this. 'Our rights' are being challenged. The next day, three churches are attacked thanks to their instigation. And no ISA is used.

Sure, it would seem easier for the Catholic church to back down from this issue, before more HOUSES OF GOD are vandalised, but if we let go of this 'right' to call our God in another language, what makes us so sure that we would still be able to call God 'God' in the near future? Suppose someone else and claimed that English word as their own? Suppose we have to use an ambiguous title, maybe even call God 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named'?

What sets God apart is not by what title he goes by, what name people call him, but the message that he sends out to all of us. The Son that he sent to die for us. His Son need not even be called Jesus, if some morons want to claim that name too. He could well have had another name, for God always referred to him as 'My Son'. We pray God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. God, Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Words which speaks entirely in itself of our faith, despite being commonly found in the dictionary. We don't need no fancy names for God.

So how then, if we can't even call him God? The right to the word God in another language is being wrestled for us, and we cannot just sit in one corner and shake our legs while waiting for the grown ups to sort it out! Let's be in the know about this issue, let's be vocal about it, let's explain to our friends of different religions what's really going on, and let's bring out the unfairness that's going on here.

I AM angry, not because we are in danger as a consequence of a stupid game played by politicians, but because our Father's house has been desecrated.

Kebosanan Terlampau

2010-01-07T11:18:00.000+08:00

Boy oh boy am I BORED. Arrgh. The past few days I have been totally stuck at home. Holidays are basically over, and college hasn't started yet. So this is sort of a limbo situation. There's only so much spring cleaning one can do, before realising that there isn't anything left to spring clean. After all, when one is as neat as me, HAHAH. Yeah right.

I have been doing a lot of photoediting lately, mostly out of boredom. I have enough profile pictures to make a calendar. Heheh. Arrgh. I have been stuck in front of the computer almost the whole day because there's nothing else to do around the house. Outside, it's too hot, and when it isn't it's raining. Wonderful.

I can't even call my life right now a routine, because I am doing virtually NOTHING. I'm just rotting here like a Michael Jackson zombie. Unfortunately, what sets me apart from his zombies is that I don't dance. So I'm actually worse off than them.

Online pulak, takde orang to chat with. Semua pergi bersekolah ke, memandu ke, kesimpulannya hanya I seorang aje yang takde apa-apa nak buat. I bosan la. Sampai I hampir-hampir bercadang nak pergi bershopping kat KL seorang diri. Then I remembered I takde wang.

MONDAY!!! Faster faster come. Till then, I'll be busy growing mushrooms in my closet. T.T

Bukan Impian Malah Kenyataan

2010-01-04T12:51:00.000+08:00

Whether we like it or not, time passes like... well, like time. It's 2010 already, and I can't believe we're that much closer to the year 2020, remember Wawasan 2020? I used to think it's such a long way off.

I am going to be 18 this year, and whoa I seriously never thought I'd reach this milestone. I have thought about death a lot in my life, and I wondered how long I would live, whether I would even reach 18, since 18 is the year we 'gain freedom'. Now, having been through so many experiences, I'd say 18 is just another birthday. We should only gain freedom when we truly know what to do with it, and I don't want to end up like all those drunken losers who cheat on their girlfriends and slob at lousy desk jobs.

God has been so good to me throughout 2009, that I truly feel that it is a turning point in my life. Doors were opened to this quiet little boy and I have grown so much throughout that. Now in 2010, I am hoping to inspire and to open doors for someone else, who might have been in my shoes. It's time to pass on the blessing. I truly hope to continue on being a part of CF SMKSU, if God allows it, that is. I have some 'unfinished business' *ehem*.

I started this blog in mid-2008, and whoa, I can't believe I'm still at it till today. 'Course, I don't post everyday, or even every week for that matter, but still, I'm happy with whatever's been done here all that time. Yeah baby I'm gonna continue blogging, at least till the end of 2010.

It's a week before college begins. Now's the time to clear up my junk, not just in my room, but in my laptop, handphone, and everything else as I make way for 2010 and all the challenges it brings. Old messages, e-mails, dead contacts, old photos, -delete delete delete-. Take out unused applications on Facebook. Prepare a timetable. Sort out my SPM books to give away.

It's gonna be a loooong 1 1/2 years in Taylor's, but by golly am I excited now. As we all are when we're starting something new. Here I come!

The Last One

2009-12-21T16:26:00.000+08:00

Yesterday the 20th of December was crazy man. Woke up expecting a normal day going to church to see the Christmas play, but somehow, at the end of the day I had attended prom. Why? You could say the RM65 ticket was a factor... Hehe.

The funniest part was during the prom, when the Free to Fall lead singer was like asking, "How long have you all been waiting for tonight? Weeks? Months?" And I was like, um, 3 hours. Haha. NO I DID NOT WANT TO GO. I was forced into it. Really.

Nevertheless, it is the first time in a long time I did my hair properly, didn't bother much about it previously because of the SPM. I don't really care about looking good when the only person who would notice is the invigilator. So yeah it's darn fun to do when your hair is longer. ^.^

Been thinking a lot the past few days, though, and thought a lot during the night. It's so scary to see my schoolmates trying to 'act' grown up. Dates to the prom are very normal and all, but some were acting plain obscenely. The places they were touching... ah. It's like the other fella got a hard to scratch itch on the butt and they were helping to get it for them. It was plain disgusting.

And funny to see were those who tried to do the same, but didn't know where to put their hands, resulting in both parties looking extremely uncomfortable in the process. That was hilarious.

I'm no saint, but it's kind of sad to see people thinking they have to grow up and be adults the moment SPM is over. Outside the hall, there were some smoking, drinking and doing God-knows-what out there. Sad. Really.

Spent the night wishing that a certain someone was there. The night just don't feel complete.

Perah Perah

2009-12-16T18:17:00.000+08:00

When I'm hyper, I can be really really hyper. When I'm down, I'm as flat as a pancake.

I'm not PMS-ing, FYI. Just that the last few days, after the SPM has been a roller-coaster of emotions as I plan for the future. When I don't have to worry about studies I start to worry what, then my life is about. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a studyholic, it's just that my life feels emptier for the moment and many other things have filled that space and are affecting my emotions.

I'm reading once again, and I've finished another Diana Wynne Jones book this morning. Anyone willing to lend me the entire Chrestomanci series? I love those books. I really miss reading, because before the SPM I forced myself not to read for fear I would forget my History facts. So now is the time to digest endless pages of fiction.

Old habits are being written over. For one, I haven't blogged properly in a loooong time, so now I have a little writer's block. It's just so weird when I'm not given the title of the essay that I'm so used to, but instead rely on my own creativity. The brain juices just aren't flowing as quickly as they used to.

I'm a little sad looking at the CF blog, at the lack of updates. Yes it's the school holidays but I feel that the blog should not be so quiet and dull. CF is not just a school extracurricular activity, we're out to win lives and that should mean 24/7, 365 days a year. I learnt that in my year as a president. I'm hoping to speak to so many of the CF committee members before they take on the mammoth task next year, but so far have not had the opportunity.

Someone said recently that maybe it's good that the CF falls, or reduces in numbers, because that would reduce the complacency that has grown throughout the years. Relying on legacy and the hard work put in by previous batches of CF-ers, that has put the CF where it is today. Could it be time to hit the refresh button?

Naturally, I totally opposed that thought. In our mission to win lives, we want to reach every one we can and well basically if we don't then it's a total failure. There's so much pressure from the outside and we are seemingly getting weaker throughout the years.

I will do what I can, but I wish some people would just wake up too and grasp the gravity of the situation.

Split

2009-12-14T18:29:00.000+08:00

Man I seriously can't believe it right now.

High school. Is. Really. Over.

I'm having some trouble adjusting, knowing that I won't have to wear that uniform ever again. Unless I'm feeling really random and decide do dress up just for fun. Yeah, I'm keeping one set of my uniform for the memories.

I'm having trouble accepting the fact that I don't have to go to SS18 every morning to sit in some hot classroom and eat the same canteen food over and over again.

I'm having trouble knowing that it's finally US who are the ones leaving, not like every year where we have to get used to seeing yet another batch of students leave.

After the hectic SPM weeks where I wake up early and sleep late to study, my life just feels so empty, that I have in fact, started studying some of my dad's university books. (what's wrong with me...)

Aiming to really really excel in college so that means I have to change my lazy attitude and attempt to learn the Lick Hung-ish style of studying. No la, not to that extreme, but if I study the way I did this year, I'll be washing toilets, like what DS said.

Above all, I realise that I AM old. Last year as a Form Four student I laughed at all the Form Fives and called them uncles and aunties but now I am the uncle.

My last few posts have all been about SPM and Form 5, and I am hoping to move on soon. But there were so many awesome memories in high school that I'm not sure that I want to let go of it all so soon. Give me another month to grieve.

Oh, and I finished reading Twilight. I can't stand the story. Bella and Edward are total idiots.

My paragraphs are all unrelated to each other. Uh oh, sign of bad writing. Not feeling to well today, headache-ish and feeling out of sorts. Maybe that's why.

Really really miss Penang now. Wish that bus ride lasted forever.

When Forever is really Forever

2009-12-09T13:54:00.000+08:00

IT IS OVER!!! Ahahaha. Now I know what it's like to be well and truly done with a major exam. PMR doesn't count. Ah well, it's considered well and truly done cos' ain't much we can do about the results eh? All we can do is to collect it.

Sooo. High school is OFFICIALLY over. And I get the boot from Teens group in church. O.o Onwards to Campus! Somehow at this point in time, I don't really have any regrets for my high school life. Everything happened as it happened which led right up to this point. If I went back in time and changed something, would I be as contented as I am now?

The long and difficult nights of staying up late to study are over, at least until my A-Levels. The knowledge that I have to get up on Monday to sit through an assembly is HISTORY. That's right, HISTORY, along with all my science subjects, BM Komsas and whatnot. Ahahaha. It's over. The fear of spotchecks, the sweating in non-air-conditioned-in-fact-sometimes-there's-no-electricity classes are OVER. OVER I tell you.

I'm not going for prom. High School Musical played a big factor in that decision. People say ala.. go with friends la, but it feels so... empty. If I wanted to go out with friends I'd go bowling, not pay some big bucks for a dinner and dance.

There's someone in my heart and she's been there for a loooong time. There's no one else I can imagine spending a prom with, but I know, at least for now, it's not the right time. I still remember the promises I have made years ago to others, I still remember the use of the word 'forever' that turned out otherwise. I really meant it when I said it then, but how did things turn out this way? That forever wasn't forever. And when I say 'forever' now it may not mean forever.

I don't want to play around. I want the real forever that's meant for me. I don't want to try and discard love like some shopping item. I want it to be special. And that forever to mean like really, 'forever'. I don't know yet.

It's not just about the thrill when I tell her. Or the thrill if she feels the same way. There's so much more than that temporary 'thrill' you know? Don't want to break anyone's heart, or to have my heart broken. Waiting for what, whom and when God says it is permanent and forever, cos' until then I wait. With a longing heart.

Life and Death

2009-11-14T20:47:00.000+08:00

I've been getting some 'Good Luck For SPM' messages the past few days, and whilst I'd like to message back and thank the person for the kind thoughts, I have no idea who's number it is. My phone is stuffed with messages and calls from unknown people, and whilst that's not too bad, the problem are the prank calls and messages I've been receiving.

I'd pick up the phone, hear some giggling on the other side, and a *click*. End of call. Once, I was sure that giggling belonged to a guy. O.o

So anyway, graduation was yesterday, a Friday and I am sure it's meant to be an emotional time where we say our last farewells to our friends before starting on our SPM exams, but it was quite the opposite. The 'Graduation Ceremony' was like a normal assembly, but with chairs. Chairs that WE had to keep. It was basically to catch up with friends since we've been skipping school so much we hardly saw each other, instead of the farewells we were supposed to be saying.

Coming home after school, I went out to cycle in the drizzle. Super cool and nice when the wind whips you in the face. So as usual, cycling, I'll be thinking. This past week, one thing that I've found myself thinking about was death. I would have proclaimed myself indifferent to death, I was more scared of cockroaches than death, but with the release of the movie 2012, I realised that I am indeed still scared of death and what happens after that.

It sucks man, to know that your fear of death still exists. You're not sure of yourself anymore. Why do what you do if possibly, in the end, we all vanish into nothingness? If we meet the same ending, why bother how we get there? So I needed to rediscover, to know who I am once again.

So on that afternoon, just prayed and cycled around as usual. I told myself, there's nothing to fear about death. If you were to die tomorrow, so be it. Who cares? Whatever happens will happen. There's nothing you can do to try to resist it, you're just a mere mortal.

I do admit that the thought of immortality once fascinated me, but then I realised what a boring life that would be. I wouldn't want to outlive everyone, even my children and grandchildren. If it's time to go, it's time to go.

That's what I told myself, convinced myself while cycling. I fear no death. I don't care if my life is taken tomorrow, because if I continue having that fear, that fear can sometimes paralyze me and prevent me from action. I fear nothing. I fear nothing.

Then as came out from a junction, a car almost knocked me down. I breaked sharply and almost fell of my bike.

In that instant where your life flashes before your eyes, everything becomes clear. And God told me, that's the wrong idea. Love your life as much as you don't fear death. If you die tomorrow, wouldn't it affect the people around you? Wouldn't it mean that you might not be able to achieve something?

This life is a gift from God and to say that you don't care if it's taken by the Devil shows how little you treasure it. When we pray, a lot of the time we thank God for the stars, the sun, our families, our friends, but how often do we thank God for our lives? How many of us can say that we've lived this life to the max, not have any regrets and are ready to die at any moment?

Not me. I have things to do first. I have things to say, things to see. I'm not going without a fight. And somehow in that, my fear of death also vanished. I got back on my bike and cycled home, my mind a little bit cleared.

7 Days To Go

2009-11-11T16:14:00.000+08:00

It's exactly a week before the first few SPM papers, BM, English and History, and for once in my life, I can say that I'm confident for History! Thanks to the weeks of study I've put in. I've been trying some model papers and all and I can consistently score between 32 to 36 marks for the objective section, and those that I get wrong are all part of the Form 4 syllabus, so I just need to brush up on that.

Even for essay questions, somehow I find that I can remember the main points quite easily. Woo! So happy! For now, re-revising my Form 4 syllabus, a few more model papers and I'm ready for SPM History.

I'm happy with my accounts too, have already identified the chapters to brush up on, I'm a pro at documents already. I've attempted some Physics papers, and while I still cannot answer questions on Electricity, basically everything else is still intact. Awesome! Bio I'm starting from Form 4, learning with the animations in the CD and so far, so good. It's more interesting than I thought it was.

Haven't started going through Econs and Commerce, plan to start as soon as History revision is truly completed. Econs is basically going through the notes and exercises from tuition, but Commerce, ah. Plan to tackle it the same way as History. May I have enough time to cover the entire syllabus.

I feel like I've got the entire SPM covered. Now's the time to study and pray while waiting for the end of SPM.

Big Boy

2009-11-06T17:57:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR JACOB! If you are reading this on the 6th of November, faster faster go and message him! His number is... sorry I can't put that down here.

Thank you Mr Jacob for always being there for the CF, I know when I barge into the staffroom and you look so busy, you'll always put aside your time to handle whatever there is to handle. At every event and meeting, you'll bring food (nasi lemak! mmm), during the R. U. Ready event, you even did the backdrop! Wow man. Every morning, you'd share the Word with us, and encourage us even when we feel sometimes you're the one who needs to be encouraged. During CFs, you're usually our speaker, and a very good one at that!

You would be so fantastic in so many occupations, with your good looks and sweet voice (no, seriously!) but you chose to become a teacher, and we are all so blessed to have you as a teacher, a CF adviser, and a father figure. How do you keep smiling despite all that goes on around you? How do you give that little chuckle even when things don't go well? If you were fat, you could be a Santa Claus. But no, in fact you're trim and healthy. A lot of other teachers are very jealous. O.o

Compassionate. Kind. Selfless. Truly, Mr Jacob you are a role model to so many people out there, that being a teacher, in fact, a Christian teacher is cool and exciting. When I was considering a teaching career, you're the first person that came to mind. Mr Jacob, may you continue to touch countless lives throughout all the years of your life. We will be praying for your hairline to stop receding.

Once again, thank you for everything and happy birthday Mr Jacob!

Thoughts

2009-11-04T17:23:00.000+08:00

To know someone's deepest darkest secret is not fun at all. You'll never look at the person the same way ever again.

That's what I learnt today.

Come A Long Way

2009-11-03T23:28:00.000+08:00

I'm blogging late into the night because I spent the whole day studying. *beams with pride* Actually, I was planning to blog as early as Friday but I had no time, packing to head down for Singapore on Saturday.

So let's start from the top.

Friday, the last CF of secondary school. I thought I might feel really really sad leaving all this but in fact my feelings of excitement overwhelmed me the whole time. Excitement that a new chapter is beginning, looking forward to a new year in Taylor's. Excitement for the year 2010 for the new committee, a bunch of dedicated and talented young people.

I have been praying for a long time, for God to reveal the right people for the committee. I need the reassurance that everything was going to be okay. God strangely kept silent for months, but on Friday morning, I woke up with God's voice in my ear that it doesn't matter who is 'chosen', as long as I am there to guide the person, at least for the beginning of the year. I felt this awesome sense of peace wash over me, even as I prepared to hand down the post to my successor.

Joyce and the committee, I really love each and every one of you and it is my hope that you all continue growing even as you sow in God's kingdom. Please take good care of the CF, nurture the young ones, and do it all for the glory of God, not for your glory, my glory, Mr Jacob's glory or anyone else's. Work by faith and dare to dream, don't let reality ever hold you back.

Joyce, I have faith in you, even as you take leadership of the CF. But do always remember that you ARE the CF President, not any Jenny, Jenna or Jinny. Be careful who you hang out with, not saying that you should leave out some people, but watch out for bad influences, because although I know you are headstrong and decisive, in the long run the bad influences will affect you. Open up your social circle and get to know the juniors.

CF SMKSU, I am grateful for learning so much throughout the three years I have been with you. A lot of the time, it feels not like I'm serving the CF, but rather I'm learning and being taught by the CF. My term here is over, but a new chapter is just beginning.

I received several awesome cards, some expressed in words and some in art. They're all going into my memory box, no worries. The past few days, I have been looking at the cards and feeling so encouraged to get out and do something. Thanks. That was a really sweet gesture. Thank you CF SMKSU for bearing with me and my flaws and weaknesses, in fact continuing to encourage and inspire me. Every single one of you from Form 1 to Form 5.

After CF that day, I went to Taylor's CF, just because I felt like it. O.o What a good thing too, because it was Taylor's last CF of the year. And a lot of the seniors are already leaving, people like Samuel and Ann Ee. Pastor Andy spoke there and it was just so awesome to see the kinship between all the CF members. It's different from high school, and yet similar somewhat. Somehow, I feel that my batch has a lot to live up to, seeing as Taylor's CF 2009 did so much when they began with nothing.

That was an awesome day. Spent the night packing, then headed down to Singapore at 4 *gasp* in the morning. Slept most of the way, until reaching Johor to visit my grandparents. Then continued down to Singapore, with a GPS borrowed from my cousin. Got lost in JB because the GPS wasn't updated, so it kept leading us to the old Customs complex. But in Singapore, WOW it was so awesome. Super accurate wei. Even my Singaporean aunt didn't know her own area as well as the GPS did. *mommy I want GPS phone...*

Stayed in the YMCA (my sis kept singing the song) and visited the National Museum on the first day. Been there before, but admission was free on the 31st, and the museum was just a few metres away. Walked out in the evening and it was RAINING DONKEYS AND COWS. Swt right, we were planning to walk to the nearby malls but with the rain it was... wet. So we just walked to a nearby food court to eat, then the rain cleared so headed to some malls. As it was late, just checked out two small malls. BORING.

But well since it was Halloween (so cool right, you'd think, being near Orchard Road on Halloween) there were some large groups dressed as witches and whatnot. But besides that I didn't see nor hear anything. I don't know, maybe the festivities were too far for me to notice or the rain spoiled anything but I was quite disappointed. Never mind, headed back to watch some Halloween movies, but fell asleep a few minutes into Emily Rose.

Following morning was Sunday, CHURCH DAY! But ACTS Singapore service was in the afternoon so we spent the morning in the National Science Centre. It was AWESOME, 200x better than Malaysia's one. And the best thing is, most of the displays were working. SOOO nice I tell you. We spent about 4 and a half hours there, but I think we barely covered half the place. Malaysia's one we can complete in an hour.

Church was in Metropolitan YMCA, and a whole team from Summit was there. Pr Kenneth, Pr Sandra, Joel Vijay, Jay, and others. I had messaged Joel on Friday to tell him I'll be in Singapore, but then he called and said he'd be there too! Pr Kenneth was going to speak in Singapore that weekend. Haha. Talk about coincidence.

Service was awesome, but had to leave early to meet up with my aunt. She was in my cousin's 1 mil condo. Crap weih. 1 mil Sing dollars. Convert convert is a multi-millionaire in Malaysian currency. My cousin's husband is loaded. My dad told me that when the price appreciated, at its peak, they wanted to sell it and move to a cheaper unit but her father-in-law didn't allow them to 'downgrade'. 'Can only upgrade, cannot downgrade'. Jealous sial.

Now my aunt, at first I thought she was snobbish because she only talked to my dad in Chinese, then I realised that she didn't speak English. She was, in fact super nice, and showed us around right until 1 a.m. That's right. We went for dinner, then shoped in Chinatown, super cheap weeiiih the things there, then headed to the Esplanade and *FINALLY* saw the Merlion. Then brought us to the Singapore Flyer and we walked on the F1 track. Went over to her house, first time we're there. James Bonding time, then went back to hotel, reached back close to 2 o'clock. I instantly died on the bed.

So next day was pretty uneventful, did some shopping before heading home. Reached home at night, so took the next day off from school.

Enjoyed this trip tremendously. It was our first trip as a family since a few years, and we managed to see our relatives in JB and Singapore once again. Lots of sweet memories, now feeling super recharged and ready to take on SPM.

On the way home, got a revelation on where I should be headed. Lots of fogginess in my brain is now cleared. Lord help me achieve that which you want me to do.

Plans

2009-10-28T18:18:00.000+08:00

Ehem. I am officially a student of Taylor's General Certificate of Education - Advanced Level (GCE A Level) Programme 2010/2011.

Why am I so excited? I'm not sure actually. It's surreal man, looking at the exam timetable for 2010 and 2011 when I haven't even sat for my SPM yet. Haa. Time won't you fast forward a bit. I can't wait to dig my nose into Economics and Business Studies. Haha planning to NERD already. What's wrong with me huh.

Less than 2 months... 2 months! Then I can forget all about science. Haha. Finally. It's been a torturous time in Form 4 and Form 5 studying something you have no interest in. Still, no regrets cos' if I'd gone down the 'other' path, I wouldn't have met all these wonderful people of 5 Gamma. In fact, life would have been so WAAY different.

I've begun to understand, in the past week, why some things turned out the way they did and not some other 'better' way.

I've been wondering, God why didn't you make me more handsome? I'd probably have turned out like some bimbotic idiot and everyone would be so distracted by my amazing face, with paparazzi swarming around me that I can't walk around Pyramid in peace.

God why am I so short? Because the people around me would be jealous if I was also tall, besides being smart and downright amazing. I HAVE to have a flaw, otherwise people will start worshipping me.

God why don't I have a sharp nose? Because I'm Asian.

Of course those are not actual answers, the real answers are very personal but it helps me understand that things happen for a reason, yes, every fall, every scar, is there for a purpose. And I may not understand why my nose is flat now but someday it might come in handy. Maybe someday I can be a music teacher that says, 'Benny, that's the wrong key! It's a flat, like my nose!'.

OMGOODNESS> Where have I strayed to? I've forgotten what this post is supposed to be about. Ah well. Some other time then.

*college only starts on the 12th of January. HAHAHAAA SCHOOL CHILDREN.

Looming Closer

2009-10-27T19:09:00.000+08:00

SPM is in three weeks time! Woohoo! But I haven't finished studying everything, in fact, I'm way from there so I just need to find a way to motivate myself to study. So here I'm gonna post up all my subjects, and my prepared-ness, so that hopefully someone out there can keep a check on me, to make sure I complete all these.

BM - I'M READY!
English - I'M READY!
Modern Maths - Going to revise again the day before, but I'M READY!
Add Maths - Must start revision a week before. Date:18-25 Nov
Moral- Revising the weekend before. Date: 21-22 Nov
History - Finished F5 chapters 1 to 3 as of now, studying Chapter 4 tonight, plan to finish F5 by Friday. F4 finish by next Thursday. Finish two workbooks by then too.
Biology - Never touched yet.. oh noo... Starting right after History, I'll give myself until 15 Nov to finish Bio.
Physics - Only need to study up Electricity. The rest settle already. *smiles* Finish by 15 Nov too. Re-revise the weekend before exam, 28-29 Nov.
Commerce - Only finished till Form 4 chapter 3... oh NOOO. Background revision, finish by 27 Nov.
Economics - Studying at same time as Commerce. Basically settled everything, just need to refresh. By 27 Nov.
Accounts - HAHA I can DOOO... Revise the weekend before, 28-29 Nov.

If I follow this plan, IF I follow this plan, I'm going to get straight A+ for sure, but I need a lot of discipline cos' I haven't been studying much this year. Somebody dangle the carrot in front of me. ^.^

Everything ends on the 9th. What then, happens to me? Plans after SPM are still quite hazy...

Random

2009-10-26T18:09:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAAA.

Blabberings of a Pre-SPM Candidate

2009-10-25T15:25:00.000+08:00

I have started to look at life with optimism, and I realise how different things are turning out. I haven't actually watched the show Yes Man, but I've read the synopsis and I've been trying to incorporate that in my life, to look at my glass as full rather than half full (it's considered full because there has to be some space for the expansion of water, like a railway track) or even worse, half empty.

SPM, apa tu? Sijil Paling Mudah. Cheyyy no la, it's not paling mudah but people are like so woooah I have no life until my SPM is over. Bangang la they all, skipping days, weeks, even months of school to attend tuition, crash courses, or study at home. Actually when they say study at home that means they wake up at 11 o'clock and watch Youtube videos until 1 pm, then only start studying. And in all that they miss valuable James Bonding time in school.

So many days of my life were wasted in Form 3 because I considered PMR a big deal, so I gave up a lot of stuff. But that was such a stupid decision because I could do PMR with my eyes closed, okay maybe not with my eyes closed but you get my drift. It is not worth giving up life with the excuse of studying for major exams. All my life I'm going to have exams, maybe not all written but life has to go on anyway.

So anyway SPM is coming, and yeah I have cancelled some appointments as a sacrifice so that I'll be able to study, but besides that, life pretty much goes on. I don't have to lock myself in my room to study Bio during dinner time, I don't have to skip attending church and Homes, I still love going to shopping malls with my family. And I go to school (mostly). AND I haven't finished studying yet. Haha. I can hear the dramatic music each time I look at my commerce book but yalar I just gotta have faith I'll be able to do well. Of course I'm studying too (duhh) but I can't be too kan-cheong about this kind of thing.

Oh yeah. Gotta go fill up my Taylor's application form. Handing in this week. Ciaoz.^.^

Vanakkam

2009-10-18T21:13:00.000+08:00

Festive lunch at PD's place, it was so super random.

1. I clipped my fingernails by the roadside.
2. I decided to visit my tuition teacher when BC's dog went after us.
3. I watched a Hindi (or Tamil, I can't tell) movie.
4. I played the national anthem, state song and school song on PD's piano.
5. I won at Mastermind.
6. I waved at a tilam man.
7. I lost my way to the washroom.
8. AO is addicted to Cafe World.

Lols. So anyway Pr Kenneth is back and today is the first time I shook hands with Pr Kenneth and Pr Sandra, wow so cool it's like meeting celebrities. Or maybe I'm just being jakun. But it's nice to be in a church with a 'personal touch' and the pastors take the time to welcome you to church. Pr Andy makes sure to go round and talk to basically every teen and that's so chun-ted. Even through homes, you're able to connect to the church in a more personal way.

JV brought me out for breakfast yesterday, but we didn't talk bout much, I don't know if I'm supposed to say more or what, but he seemed to be in a bit of a hurry to attend a Deepavali function anyway. Hmm.

Oh and Archuleta released a Christmas album. Rejoice! Christmas is coming!